Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I'm kicking my AH ex-boyfriend out of my house this week. I have lawyered up and he will be getting his eviction notice on Wednesday or Thursday. We have a 3 month old son together. To hurt me, my ex-boyfriend has been refusing to see or hold our son for about 3 weeks now and on top of it, he says he wants to give up his paternity rights and abandon him. At first, I was devastated because I don't want to tell my sweet baby that his dad left him, but then I selfishly was relieved so my son won't have to watch his dad compulsively lie and manipulate everyone around him, and self-medicate every negative emotion with alcohol (among many, MANY other horrible character flaws).
Well today, now my ex wants to be in our son's life. So I'm conflicted. Do I let him be in this child's life, should the choice remain in my hands? I told him that he will not be allowed unsupervised visits until he goes to treatment and can prove he is capable of caring for our child.
Ultimately, he can always sue me for visitation or custody, so I may not have this choice, but still want to hear your thoughts. Is an alcoholic dad (who's in recovery) better than no dad at all?
Well today, now my ex wants to be in our son's life. So I'm conflicted. Do I let him be in this child's life, should the choice remain in my hands? I told him that he will not be allowed unsupervised visits until he goes to treatment and can prove he is capable of caring for our child.
Ultimately, he can always sue me for visitation or custody, so I may not have this choice, but still want to hear your thoughts. Is an alcoholic dad (who's in recovery) better than no dad at all?
It's hard to say if it's better to have no dad at all or one that is in recovery. Until he's actually in treatment and working the program you won't know what kind of man he is. He could still be cruel or he could be a really different person. At this point all you can do is tell him what you expect of him if he wishes to be in his son's life. If he doesn't have him relinquish his paternity rights.
Always remember that what the alcoholic says when drunk can't actually be trusted as his real truth. Hope that makes sense. So many things my husband said when drunk weren't his true feelings, they were words to manipulate and coerce me in to thinking that what I was feeling and thinking were twisted. The impaired brain is not thinking sensibly.
Good luck with the eviction - I hope it goes smoothly!