I have not experienced an intervention for my husband nor has he ever gone to rehab.

However, I do want to mention that my husband employs the same trick for avoiding his real deal bottom. He sobers up for awhile. It's his safety net... in my AH's case I think he uses it so he can drink again.

So if he is acting normal really quickly after sobering up and even might use this behavioral period to demonstrate to himself and the world he's not an alcoholic. You are not alone, you are not crazy.

I agree you are the best candidate to call the timing of the intervention. Your Mother-in-law is part of the problem... (IMHO).

I like how you are going to put a healthy family member first (your daughter). Good luck to her I hope she kicks butt in whatever sport she plays...

I hate that the alcoholic creates so much drama and then get's rewarded with attention. I get so angry just thinking about this! I would love for all my friends and family to fly in sit in a circle and read letters about how much they love me (if he's not ready he'll zone out on "the bad things he did" part anyhow)!!

Hate to be a bummer but he will probably drink again and you can reschedule the intervention for that period. Sounds like the family will have everything lined up and ready to go!

Hi Bean 22.

Thanks for confirming that I was not the crazy one. My in-laws live out of state, but they stay in the resort 2 hours from our house during the winter every year so they really don't get to see it when he is in a bad condition. What made me really mad was when my AH got drunk and fell in the restaurant and I got a call from the paramedics on the new year's day, I called her 4 times leaving messages, and texted her 4 times, but she never responded back to me. She obviously didn't believe me or didn't want to hear about it. Then a few days ago when she asked me what I was doing about his drinking problem that could kill her precious son, I told her I was powerless in front of the alcoholism and he is the one who has to fix it, so I am not doing anything and I was ready to bail out of our marriage. Then she decided to do something in a panic mode. It is a stupid family drama! Not to mention that his parents knew he was drinking at age 13 and didn't do anything about it. Now he is 46 - isn't it little bit too late to discipline him? LOL

You are so right about him going back to drink. I know 100% for sure it will happen. It's like a monthly event for us. Every two weeks, drinking and sobering... The idea of writing a "letter", sitting around in a circle and reading it to him really annoys me. Everyone but me (and my daugther who doen't know about the plan) is ready to go. I guess I know too much about his condition that I don't see anything would help him and feel like it will be all waste of time and effort. I guess I am really mentally checked out of our marriage and tired of dealing with his family too.

Will keep you posted if it actully happens. I could be presently surprised. LOL.

Wow......maybe you should reconsider the help. How do you know it's not exactly what he needs ? What would it hurt if you all went through with it. Have you asked your children what they think ? Maybe they would welcome the help also. When my AH was actively boozing on & off, I would have loved an intervention. I watch the show and thought...wow, maybe thats what all the alcoholics in my life need. I would have been willing to try anything. Now that I have realized that I was just as sick as him, trying to control everything, and started going to al-anon, life is so much calmer. My AH also goes to AA. Good luck with everything ~hugs~

Hi Mysanity,
Thanks for the feedback and sorry for my negative attitude. You are right. Maybe I should be more serious about getting him a help. But I have been living with his alcoholism for the last 12 years, and I feel like I don't have an energy for it. If it was a few years ago, maybe I would be more receptive to the idea, but I am really ready to just move on. I also have watched the TV show, but it is depressing to see the last clip saying most of the people relapsed after all those family drama, hope, and the treatment.

My relationship with my in-laws have not been a pleasant one since the day 1. They came from very isolated small town and have very different views against other races. Being a minority and marrying him has not been an easy ride and sometimes created conlicts in our marriage.

I feel like a really cold person for saying this, but after going through all happend in the last 12 years, I don't have a hope that he will recover from where he is right now. He has had 3 DUIs in the last 20 years. Last few years have been a complete nightmare. My daugther and I found a paddle of blood on the first floor and he was sleeping upstairs while bleeding from his head and blood stain all over the house; he came home in a taxi cab, fell backward straight on to the tile floor scared the heck out of the taxi cab driver; he got drunk and fell in the restaurant and was taken to a hospital; he flipped, and fell from his head first and injured his neck; he jumped into the jacuzzi only 3 feet deep from his head first; he got drunk and broke a wine glass and cut his finger at a restaurant; he did the same at our neighbor's house and cut his foot; he peeled both of his toe nails when he was too drunk to walk and fell. Not to mention he doesn't work half of the month when he is drunk and doesn't even come home sometimes. He tells me he is going to AA and getting other help but it never lasts more than 2 days. All these things are becoming norm in our household, and I know it is not normal. I am scared that our daughter and I are getting used to experiencing these horrifying things and don't feel much anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband very much, and I really wanted to spend our retimrement life together. I know I shouldn't be negative about everything, and I should give him a one last chance to recover. So I will put some serious consideration into the intervention idea.

Thanks for your advice.

Puffster, I think you are in a very healthy place. Well done for putting your daughter's future ahead of another possibly failed attempt at his recovery. I am skeptical of interventions as well and I hate to see your in-laws try to make his problem your problem. The intervention is for him alone. It is not a cure for your relationship problems or a guarantee that he will recover as Prince Charming. Do what you feel is best-it looks likes your instincts are guiding you in the right direction.

I think that is why I stay with my AH because it was the norm growing up and my mom putting up
with my alcoholic dad. I use to beg my mom to leave my dad to have a normal life but she never
did, I moved out at age 17 to stay with my aunt to get away from the drama. But now it feels like I
am right back were I started!

I have mixed feelings about intervention. They say that the alcoholic will not get better unless they want to get better. By forcing intervention on a person is not doing it because they want to so that is why rehab often fails I think. The person has to want to change. We tried a family intervention for my ah. I was told not to attend. What a joke that was. His family only talked to the councelor over the phone same as I did. During the intervention there was no councelor there to point out important facts. Second I was not able to speak my mind even though his family stated they would read my letter. Which they didn't. What came out of it was that I and my children and dog were stressing him out to the point he could not control his drinking. So I better choose between my dog and my husband. So the dog went (to my mom's, was a present to me from my daughters). He then became a closet drinker. His family called every day or came over to check that "he remained sober" and praised him constantly. Even bought him presents because he remained sober for a week or so. I felt like gagging. I told them flat out he's still drinking he's playing games with you all. Then I was accused of not being supportive in his efforts. Hence, when he "fell off the wagon" that was also my fault. I needed to show more effort that I wanted to save him from a life of distruction. Give me a break. I really hope that if you choose intervention it works for you and I hope he truely wants to save his marriage and his life. Good luck to you.

I wish we'd had an intervention.

Although it would not have made a bit of difference to my husband, it would have mad the alcholism public and weakened his ability to hurt me through "charming" people who didn't know. For the family and friends to have told him HE has a problem would have helped me and my daughter immensely.

We almost did an intervention with my husband around 10 years ago and I am so glad that we didn't because I know it would have been a disaster. His mom wanted to put one together after I confessed about his DUI - it ultimately fell through and I am glad it happened that way. I watch the show Intervention every week and dream that the professionals would be able to help my husband. He has never been a true treatment program, only therapy. I can't help but wonder if rehab would work.

I have now come to the point where I am no longer allowing myself to obsess about his issues. They are just that, HIS issues, not mine. I have been focusing on healing myself and I am getting stronger every day. I am not sure if my husband has a place in my future, but I can no longer worry about that. I instead am choosing to focus on my own happiness, which I have noticed has made me a much better mother to my three kids. In the end, that's all that really matters!

Sarah
www.whenloveisntenough.blogspot.com

Puff, you have a good head on your shoulders and are following your God given good instincts. You've been through so much. And no, you're not crazy. I think we all suffer from PTSD except in different ways than our boozer husbands. Probably worse. I've often thought of myself as being a rat with electrodes pinned to my head to see how many volts of electricity could course through my brain before I stopped feeling anything. Well, it finally happened. Nothing he does or will ever do in the future will shock me into a puddle of anguish again. It finally dawned on me - I'm stronger than he is. The greatest thing is that I think it frightens him because that he knows that I am in charge of my life now, not him.

Mackdaddy, I'm so sorry that the intervention was such a wash, being that it reduced your husband into a weepy little boy who pointed the finger and blamed every other set of circumstances except himself for his alcoholism. I hope you get your doggy back somehow.

Whenlove, I've been at your point and I guess I've moved on to the level after that. I definitely plan on getting away once my finances allow in a couple of years and getting my own place (wheeeee!). I've made my life full of work and lots of fun activities with friends.

Mezz, you were left holding the bag in the worst possible way but kept your dignity throughout the whole horrible ordeal. I admire you for that tremendously. You are one strong lady.