Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Hi everyone! This is my first post here and I just joined. My boyfriend of almost 5 years is an alcoholic. It is still tough to say. He has been struggling with this for quite a while and it all starting to crash and burn. A few days into 2018, he got a DUI. Note: this is not the first alcohol related issue with driving before. He then got court ordered to go to treatment classes where he continues to say he doesn’t need them. That he is only there because it is court ordered. His family and I have been trying to help him through this and it is just beyond hard work. I am 23 years old and it is so hard to see someone I have spent so much of my life with already do stuff like this. We fight every night. I cry every night. I sleep on the couch. I run to my car and drive around to clear my head.
Him on the other hand is drinking. Everyday. I just started to really crack down on him and not let him just go driving off somewhere because I know what that means and where he will go. Two nights ago we got into one of the worst arguments we have gotten into. By the end of the day, we were able to calm down and realize that these arguments are revolves around alcohol. I thought I finally broke through the barrier. Well last night when he was suppose to be going to treatment. He called me and said the class was cancelled. I didn’t think much of it, until today when I got a call from his counselor saying she is concerned because he has skipped treatment multiple times and keeps testing positive for alcohol. I talked with him about this today and I truly felt we got somewhere. He broke down crying in my arms and we talked for quite a while. When we got in bed to lay down, I brought up to him how he made it a whole night being sober. He looked at me and said, “no I didn’t.” I broke down crying and ran out of the room. He had his alcohol in his vehicle and when he went outside, he drank it.
The feeling of being defeated and just feeling disrespected, lied to, and hopeless is so unbearable. I keep telling my self to hate the addiction and not him but it is so very hard to keep it together.
Mom kinda just throwing this out there because I feel like I just need to vent. It is so hard dealing with something like this and all the help gets placed in him (which is good) but sometimes I need some help too. I need some support too and I’m hoping that is what this group will help me with. Thanks all!
Welcome! You can always come here for support. This chat room has really helped me. I understand the emotions you are going through. It is very frustrating to think there is progress only to hear them slur their words or that they have disappeared to drink. I have also driven around many a night to clear my head. I also know what you mean when you say it is hard to not confuse your anger for him and the addiction. Lately, I feel more anger towards him. He also lies to me and is evasive about where he is going sometimes. Sometimes, I feel like it is almost insulting to my intelligence if he thinks I cannot figure it out. We all need support. We all get kind of lost in getting that support because all our energy is focused on them. That support is always here for you. Hugs to you. Hang in there.