They were ignorant and hurtful, they have no clue what we go through. You can love an AH without the ability to change him. They don't know what they would do in the same situation, and their comments prove it.

I too am one that appears to look fine on the outside but feel completely broken on the inside. Perhaps it's fear of judgement. I have had friendships ruined because they don't understand why I haven't left my AH. I basically tell myself that it's NOT as easy as one thinks. I have to factor in my daughters, my financial situation and our home. I hate that people are so judgemental. Keep your head up high and know every situation is different. You do what's best for you. True friends will support you and will be there for you. Hang in there!

I think it is like any situation. No one will ever understand it if they are not going through it themselves. People say hurtful and insensitive things and are very judgmental all the time.

For example, I was part of a layoff once and met with a friend and her husband. He did not know I was in transition or forgot. He made a comment about how people who are unemployed just sit on the couch, watch TV, eat chocolate and get unemployment money for it. He then said, "I mean, how hard is it to find a job, anyway??" His wife then kicked him under the table. Obviously, he had never been layed off before. Very offensive, especially since that was not the case at all. So people can be extremely judgmental and insensitive. Until they have walked in our shoes.....

Experiencing this firsthand in the last two years has given me a whole new perspective on how I view alcoholism. I always thought it was very bad, but I never understood what hell woman (or any family members) go through that are in a relationship with an alcoholic until I went through it myself.

Just know that we support you and do not judge here. Try to tune the others out. Until they have walked in our shoes, they have no idea what they are talking about. Try to rise above it if you can. I know, very hard. It is for me too. Hugs

Thanks for the reply ladies. I know I have to take all of this in stride when all I want to do is just tell people sometimes and have some support. Sometimes I feel so alone.

Singer,
Me too. It is hard to carry that monkey on our backs around people. I sometimes feel very alone as well. Hang in there!

No one knows and we'll never tell. We just keep it all inside. I'm so happy there is a platform where we can speak honestly here. It hurts so much to know that this secret is something I can never share with my closest friends and family. It hurts that we have to go through it and other people judge.

My family knows and so does his. I actually called my mom late last night crying because I am just over all of it. I am at my end emotionally and physically. I am affected daily and tired and stressed.

you know, as judgy and awful as they can be, a lot of the time it's just miseducation. they don't know. and we - the women who suffer in what seems like silence - don't talk out of embarrassment and the fear of being judged. i think we need to yell it from the rooftops. i think we need to stop trying to hide the fact that our husbands or fiances or boyfriends are addicted to alcohol for the sake of their reputation and start standing up for ourselves and our mental health. next time someone starts a conversation like that with you in the room you say, i'm one of those women. i was ashamed because of what people like you would say but i'm not as weak and whiny as you think. it takes as much strength to stay with an alcoholic as it does to leave. not everyone is capable of leaving anyway, for many reasons. but realistically, those women aren't in your shoes, they aren't in your life. it's not about what they think of you, it's what you think of yourself. <3