I haven't been on in a while. The reason why is because I don't need the support as much because my AH boyfriend is out of my life. I don't mean that to sound hurtful, like people on this site are weaker in anyway because they need the support. I hope when you read this, you see it as encouragement. What I mean is this site has been here for me when I needed it the most. The women on here helped me evict my AH from the house I owned, who is also the father of my 9 month old son. You all have me the courage to be a single mom in every sense of the word. I received no financial help from my son's father. I do 100% of the child care when I'm not working a full time job. And I don't regret it for a second. I have learned that resilience isn't a trite weird to be taken for granted. Nor is courage. Leaving him made me realize that my life trials have given me both, and for that I'm grateful.

Don't get me wrong, life as a single mom isn't all rainbows and kittens. It downright sucks at times. But it is infinitely better than living with my toxic AH ex. I feel like I live a pure and genuine life that is not tainted by the ploys and pathology of an alcoholic or addict. The truth, which was shrouded in a body guard of lies, has revealed to me that I have a choice about whether I let dysfunction and advise to enter my life. I chose to not let it enter anymore.

So now I'm on the road to recovery. Trying to figure out how to find my new norm. It's daunting and exciting. I can breathe again. I don't wake up with dread for the day ahead. I can look into my son's smiling face and know he is safe. I'm not consumed with anger from the latest lie from the deceiver I was fooled into trusting. And realizing this brings a big ol' smile to my heart.

If you want to leave your AH, it will be hard. But it's not any more difficult than what you've already endured. Squash that lying little voice in the back of your mind that says you can't leave him, because it's wrong. If you really want it, you can do it. You're worth it. And no matter how dire the circumstances look, healing will happen and things will get better. This isn't permanent. What do you want your future to look like?