Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
ive been involved with daily strength, alanon, one one one therapy for about 10 years. Been a member of the love over addiction group for nine months. And I just realized that there has never been anything I could have done to change the outcome of my husbands drinking!
he is trying AGAIN to stop drinking ( so he says ) went back on antidepressant that is also supposed to help with cravings. I am not hopeful. Mostly because I’m sure he feels I am forcing the issue. ( I am)
the disease has progressed to intolerable and heartbreaking levels. Wild mood swings into crazy rages over the stupidest things, short term memory loss that severely interfere with his daily activities leaving me responsible for all the important responsibilities of maintaining a household. He can no longer drive his car outside of well known and familiar roads. He cannot drive and read road signs. He cannot go to a new or different restaurant. He cannot stop drinkinking. He cannot stop the lies. He cannot participate in a relationship or feel joy, gratitude , or hopefulness
the disrespect is beyond belief EVEN WHENNOT DRINKING. He now acts the same when “ sober” .
As much as I believe everyone deserves to be loved.... I don’t love him any more. There I said it! And so I move on with myself from this place.
So I’m smiling my way thru the next 50 minutes and then going to a new al anon group in my town!
Ha! I don’t know why but he is expecting the bingo club to come over tonight. He is sitting on the couch eating half cooked rice and veggies with his hands!
I think I should be crying but I’m not. The tv remote is in the phone base and the phone is in the mail slot. I’m leaving them there. His lunch is sitting on the table still and the vodka is in a bag next to the knife rack. I did clean up dinner because I usually do but I’m not touching the pot full of raw rice? The draw pull of the server is broken and I think I’m watching him search for his vodka. What a night! I surrender!
I've moved back to the couch and we have separated bills, yes i'm spoiled to him paying all the bills and me doing what I want but where is that getting me? Just making me more depended on him, no more I say! I'm 52 yrs old and i've lived this life for 32 yrs. I'm so ready for a change I don't care what I have to do anymore but it will be better than walking in fear of whats next with him. He's not my husband he acts more like my father and i've become this person that I don't know keeping secrets, i'm angry and resentful all of the time. I go go go just to be away from him. I'm exhausted riding on this roller coaster ride with no end. If i'm not worth it to him why should he be worth it for me.... I agree with you on the LOVE, we all deserve it even they do but how do you love someone that constantly puts alcohol before you and talks down to you. I don't love him the way I did that love is dead and gone. And I question if he truly loves me or if i'm just another addiction, just his habit. Stay strong we got this! ;)