I know exactly how you feel. I recently downloaded a free app called Calm. It's a meditation app. The breathing exercises and the guided meditations are really good. I listen to the ones about letting go, forgiving myself, forgiving others, and resiliency the most. It has really helped me to not get so upset and want to go back and forth with my husband when he's in the mood to argue. Sometimes I go in the bathroom and doing a simple breathing exercise for a few minutes. It really helps me get through the bad days. I go for walks. I'm reading more. All these things help me take a few moments to do something just for me.

I'm trying really hard. I promise.

It's terrible to feel so alone. Do you have family or friends you can stay with until you find a place of your own? Sending you strength.

I've been here before and tried living with family. It was one bad environment to the next. I tried living with a relative the last time I left my AH, but was drained for every cent I brought home. I also recently totaled my car in a flood. I dont have any friends. My husband make accusations and accuse me of cheating. It's less stressful to not have friend's. I literally have no one to turn to. The only interaction I have outside of home is work.

We have set routines around his drinking. Anything outside of that brings out "The Accuser".

Rose1 i love the sound of rain. I just downloaded the app. Its something very soothing about the sound!

Please contact a Women's shelter. They will help you to leave. We are here for you. Stay in contact.

I like the advice to contact a shelter even if you are not ready to leave today. Have the address and phone number handy. That will know you do have some control. You have friends in this group. You are not alone.

I know how you feel. sending hugs.

Thank you all. I appreciate all the great advise. I will definitely check out my resources, so i can be prepared to exit if necessary.

Im taking control. No more. I'm in control of me. Shape up or ship out!

My husband is a functioning alcoholic and I think he may have some other mental issues as well but, maybe it's the alcohol that makes him act weird. I am fed up with his drinking and treating me and our children like crap. It's like living with a Jekyll and Hyde everyday, I don't know which husband will be at home when I get home. The nice normal one or the drunk belligerent jerk. I really don't want to move in with my parents but, apartments are really expensive in the area where I live. I have told him that I want him out of our house and I can't get him to leave because he works from home. It's just so difficult with kids and having been married for so long. I'm trying to wait for school to be out for the summer but, I don't know if I can hold on much longer.

I know how you feel. I've wanted to leave for a long time and I don't know where to go. My parents would take me in with my kids but, I can see that going badly after a while.

It took me 1.5 years to set it up.for my exit. I had a great job but only my LVN license and I needed to find Ishmael last year of the nursing program for my rn I buckled down and I did it. So I was financially able to separate and be a single mom with two kids. But my husband 1 month before I got licenced went into outpatient rehab.
It can be done. Plan now and keep.working on an exit. I worked full time went to school full time and had my kids. Ages 8 and 5 at the time. It was hell, that year is all a blur but I freaking did it. You can too. No reason to be miserable

Im finally leaving. Divorce is already in process. Im even looking for a place to stay. I found an amazing support team. Ready to start a new life.