Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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I seem to need to post every day must be a crisis

jms7229
jms7229

once again a horrible weekend with his anger just beneath the surface, I got tired of trying to diffuse, ignore etc. he was crying that his spinal stenosis suddenly became so unbearable that all he can do is drink and that unleashes his anger and he is so sorry. This is bullshit because he kept changing the story. I think he got drunk and fell. Anyway..... in an attempt to believe his story and help with pain management I worked with him on a pain med schedule ( as if that’s really a viable thing) he kept needing to go into the garage for stuff and would come back drunker and nastier each time. He was so wasted he shit in the bed.... it got on my leg!!!!! He tried to blame the dogs but I suggested he check his underwear. 


Usually he is a nice person early in the mornings but this also has been changing. This morning when I called to let him know I got to work ( this he insists on so he does not worry) he ended up in a rage because he was folding my laundry ( probably the third time in six months) a sweater was inside out - and the rage began. All my faults and mistakes of the last 37 years! I tried to use positive communication skills, no luck . I just CANNOT  or WILL NOT live with the verbal and emotional abuse of someone who “ just does not give a shit” he hung up on me again.


so called him back and told him I want a DIVORCE. I read it from a scrip I prepared a


before I called. He tried to tell me I couldn’t get a cent. But that isn’t true. I said I would try to get a mortgage and buy him out and I want 1/2 of the 401 account. I will keep him on my health insurance. He starts telling me how stupid I am how I can’t afford it and what do I expect him to do live in his car? I answer with his favorite “I just don’t give a shit”


now, I do have a back up plan. I can live with my elderly parents who REALLY could use a live in. Then he can buy me out lol and I want the new couch and the dogs.


Now since you all know that I love this condo and am willing to stay there with him if I can perfect some sort of peaceful coexistence...... I called back several hours later ( he is perfectly shitfaced) and offer marriage counseling as a way not to both suffer financially and perhaps to “ forgive things that happened 30 years ago and find ways to fold inside out sweaters. .... he agreed. I asked if I would be safe and not tortured when I got home he said yes. 


Ha ! No one shits on my leg in bed and gets away with it.


i feel surprisingly relieved.

Purplekat
Purplekat
Well you have been with him for a long time I'm sorry that you're going through this .Dealing with an Alcoholic is very difficult. They never think anything is their fault and they blame the world for their problems. He will continue to verbal ubuse you use excuses lie and control you is long as you remain in his life .There is no being rational with an alcoholic because they have to want to change on their own. Since they feel so bad about their own lives did make other people feel bad that are close to them to help mask with the really big problem is .It is a serious problem that is not able to control his bodily functions I means his health is declining quickly yet he is still in denial .The best thing you can do is hard as it is is to get out of his life as quickly as possible because hes not willing to change or better himself .He is making The Choice over you not to get the help he needs for his drinking and health issues .This is not your fault please understand that .I am going through something somewhat similar .I have been with my alcoholic for 13 years he relapsed this year after Several years of being Sober .He blames it on me and the passing of his sister .He lies and denies it every time .He almost died from this 10 years ago .When he drinks he abuses me .I hope I have the strength to leave Yet I'm afraid of what will happen to him when I do .The truth in all this in my situation and in yours Is that if they choose to continue drinking they will eventually succumb to this .It is not whether we stay or not that will make a difference because it is ultimately up to them .Please think about this It's not your fault walk away it doesn't matter if it's been 10 years or 40 years you've been through enough .I hope one day I'll have The strength to walk away too and good luck
learningpatience
learningpatience
he's shit the bed in more ways than one! ugh... that's horrible. i hope he cleaned up after himself. some of his rage was probably embarrassment too, because he can't control himself. awful. i wish there was an easier way out for you, i don't think you'll enjoy the condo as much as you could or would if he was either sober or not there. i don't enjoy our house :( i'm still waiting for it to feel like home but who knows if that will happen. every five days he has a set back and i wonder what i'm doing. anyway... i hope that marriage counseling works at least a little bit, but i say be prepared for him to have shit to say about the therapist. you know all his excuses by now. they're like books, aren't they? the kind you want to stop reading but just can't put down. stay safe xx
jms7229
jms7229
Yes purple mat I should leave..... but the financial implications of that are too enormous at this stage of my life. And l-patience... mine can go about 5 days as well.
I started one on one therapy and I really think it is. Good fit for me. AND, hard to believe, I went to my first al-anon meeting this week.... walked out of that room feeling like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.
Thanks for your comments and support.