Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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Cadeer 07/19/2016

He's just looking to fight tonight and I'm so tired. I took a day off work for an appointment today. Did that this morning and spent my afternoon staining my deck and then making dinner. Did all my laundry, washed the floors and vacuumed. I was feeling pretty good about what I accomplished until he came home. First he noticed the stain. So I said I'd worked hard on it. Instead of 'nice job', I get 'try doing that every day for 9 hours like I do'. Then he eats dinner and informs me the green beans were good, but a little mushy. Well they weren't mushy 3 hours ago. Maybe if he didn't stop to drink first they'd be good. Then he wanted a ride for firewood for our fire pit (he lost his license). I told him I'm low on gas. Only so he'd know I need to stop. He blew up. 'You had all day off and couldn't get gas? I worked all day and you wait till I need a ride' . Now I'm hiding in my bedroom to avoid further confrontation. It's a beautiful night outside, all I wanted was to enjoy the deck I worked on all day. But he's out there. Can't even enjoy the little things anymore.... Sometimes I really hate him. I'd like to throw a gallon of stain at him right now or maybe all over his clothes that I washed.

invisibleme 07/19/2016

First of all, good job on staining the deck! I know that's hard work. And, you did all the other work around the house. You had a very productive day.
I'm so sorry he came home and spoiled your pleasant evening. Try to make the most of what's left. You came here and vented. That's good.
I'll keep you in my prayers.

lauriegardner 07/20/2016

That really sucks. I readily remember that stuff from so many years with my ah. He died 6 months ago....and although I actually grieved all the years that alcohol stole....and HAD to spend our final 3 years seperated for my sanity.....grief hit me hard when he passed.....but, even if he came back today...I couldn't be with him drinking.....I guess I'm just trying to share that the impact on our lives from loving an alcoholic may change in ways but it is always there. May the good Lord bless you....I'm sorry for how he talks to you

tnew 07/20/2016

This is classic behavior its almost as if they are jealous or resent your productivity. My AH would manipulate situations whenever I was going to do something productive, either for myself or the house. If it wasn't about him he was either not interested or resentful. The selfishness/narcissism is rampant with alcoholics. I'm sorry that he treated you that way after all your hard work. I'm sure the deck looks great!

jms7229 07/21/2016

I too, offer my support and sympathies for the way he treats you. I used to do the same kinds of projects ( because they needed to be done, or I wanted them done and he was not interested, or maybe I was simply trying to please him) mine would also come home and complain about the dinners. Lol- when my children were quite young and I was a stay at home mom, he would actually call me during the day and tell me to " get out the big ladder and clear the gutters"
He is old beyond his years now and pretty much knows not to assign me ridiculous tasks.
Still an idiot though. Example from this week. Fleas on the dog(s) not an infestation, but they're here. So I treated the dogs, then comes the house cleaning part... It's a kind of big deal. ( I have asthma so insecticidal bombs a very last resort.) anyway I was moving all the furniture. Vacuuming, then damp mopping, then spreading salt or borax powder. This needs to be done in each room, then all bedding washed. Upulstry vacuumed and treated.
Even under the does of carpets needs treatment. He was mocking my " zeal at at attacking this project" of course he was stoned, on pot so no rational conversation was possible.
He has been impossible everyday this week.

Cadeer 07/21/2016

Thanks ladies, your support and comments mean a lot to me. It sounds like they all do this to us. Laurie I'm sorry for your loss. As difficult as they can be, I think we all feel that inside was the man we married

petey49 07/22/2016

Hi Cadeer. I can tell when my AH is itching to pick a fight. Normally after the first or second drink and when he is tired. When I notice those slight changes, I start watching out. Nothing I can do or say will be good enough for him, or he will see it as an attack on him. I just start tip toeing around, try not to do anything that he will construed as not being right (although it is hard to stop breathing for a long time LOL). I try to not let him spoil my mood, but sometimes....

Big hug to you.

Cadeer 07/23/2016

Thanks petey. I do the same thing. You just get so tired of walking on eggshells. And I've gotten in fights for breathing too. Lol. I have to laugh at that because it's so ridiculous. I am enjoying my deck though :)

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