Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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yogi89 06/03/2017

I am newly married (about 8 months). Unfortunately I wasn't aware that I was marrying an alcoholic. I knew he drank more then then daily recommended but I didn't know he was sneaking off to the garage and downing whiskey as well. These issues have come to light and we have been battling it for about 5 months. I don't know what to do. After he drinks the next day he has no recollection and when I try to mention that he was drinking or drunk he blows up at me and blatantly lies ("I only had 1 beer yesterday, how could I possibly be drunk?!") He finally admit that he was drinking more than he said he was. We went to the doctor and the doctor wanted him to ween off all forms of alcohol in a two week period while giving him some medicine to help with the withdrawals. Well today was supposed to be his first day not drinking and he was very drunk today and won't actually admit that he was and denies that the state he was in was drunk. I don't know what to do.

A5539 06/03/2017

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It all sounds so familiar. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. It's taken me a long time to realize that I can make all the threats and ultimatums that I want, but until he is ready (if ever) to seek sobriety, they won't make any difference to him.

I can recommend that you may want to hold off on starting a family, if that was in your plans. We have 2 kids and it certainly complicates leaving the marriage and isn't a situation that you want children to experience.

It's an awful way to live, just know you are not alone.

yogi89 06/03/2017

Thank you A5539. This is definitely not what I imagined for my life.

I agree with what you say about having kids. My husband was upset with me when I told him when we first got married that I didn't want to start trying right away. I am very upset that he made me feel guilty about that when he knew he had a drinking a problem and was clearly hiding it from me.

It is comforting to know that I am not alone. It is just so sad that the common theme is there is nothing we can do. I was hoping this group would give me insight on what I could do to help the situation progress positively.

Iwillsurvive 06/25/2017

I'm so sorry to hear that... I am going through exactly the same thing (newlywed 8 months) and did not know I was marrying an alcoholic. How are you coping with the loneliness of living with an alcoholic husband? I have unfortunately been a victim of verbal, emotional abuse and even an incident of physical abuse (while he was waaaay too drunk to remember). I am not in love with him anymore for obvious reasons but still love him. He has never apologized for any wrongdoings and has turned into a different man. I miss the man I fell in love with...but I don't think he is coming back. I feel your pain and wish you a quick recovery.....an alcoholic will always love his alcohol more that him, you, or anyone else. Stay strong and try to visualize a better life for you with or without him.xoxo

yogi89 06/25/2017

Thank you Iwillsurvive, it looks like you and I are in a very similar situation being newlyweds. I'm so sorry that you are going through this and very sorry to hear about the abuse. As of right now, my husband had a stay at the hospital to fully detox from the alcohol. So he has stopped as of right now. I'm hopeful but of course cautious. Only time will tell, but at the moment we are trying to move on.

ElisaTucker 06/27/2017

I am sorry

chelsea05 07/05/2017

these posts are like reading my mind from 30 years ago. I knew mine was an alcoholic when I married him. I was afraid to leave because of the shame of a failed marriage so I Stayed and here I am. Ladies, it will not change unless he wants change, do not follow in my footsteps and stay, get out now. I know it isn't easy but oh how I wish I had left him. I know he loved me more than life itself, if I had have left there was a chance he might have seen what he was losing. my competition is alcohol. its a difficult road, not one that I would wish on anyone. I am so sad for all of you.

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