Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I am 30 years old, and in July I married my best friend. However, he is an alcoholic. I started to realize this in the early stages of dating, but we had so much fun, and amazing sex and just became the best of friends that it didn't matter to me at first. It wasn't that bad in the beginning either, but when we found a place that we loved and moved in together (not in a house, but a suite) things started getting bad and we suffered financially. I liked to drink when I met him, but socially, not by myself. Since then, I have to drink almost everyday, mostly when I have work off the next day. I can't help but blame him, as that's what we do. He had a horrific childhood and had a dead beat dad and his mom died when he was 13. He was in and out of foster care, and eventually found who he calls his parents. They helped him turn his life around. He drinks to become numb from bad news, or just because he's bored. He is about to start drunk driving school after receiving his second DUI. Needless to say, for 3 months while he didn't have a license we were living on my income alone. He is a truck driver, so his job in driving, and with no license, he didn't work. He is back to work now, but the financial stress is still very bad, not only due to him not working but we also paid for our wedding. I love him dearly, and he really tries to stop. How can I ask him to stop, when I don't want to stop myself? I would come home from work, and he'd be so drunk, and wouldn't eat all day, and I'd have to clean up the mess. We want a family, and a home, and well a normal life, but we need help to get out of debt. Liking alcohol isn't helping. I just don't know what to do
deleted_user
decide what is more important to you. drinking or a family. my dh is an alcoholic and i have delt with it for 15 yrs now. it had gotten to the point that i was ready to walk away even though we have two kids together. i layed it on the line for him and he still didnt change. he made attempts, but still struggled. it wasnt until he decided for himself to change and to drink less that he does now. he still drinks but not the amount that he used to drink. you need to take care of yourself and do what is best for you. if you dont want to drink then dont. good luck
deleted_user
You two love each other that is clear. You both need to decide that alcohol is just making your lives worse. You need to both agree to stop and be strong for each other and help each other quit. Use your love for each other to conquer your need for alcohol. It won't be easy and you will have to re-learn how to have fun without booze but I think that you can do it if you have the right kind of support and motivation to change. I could work.......I have my own struggles and I know one thing........doing nothing is the one sure way NOT to change anything. Good luck.
deleted_user
It sounds like you both are alcoholics. Maybe you have not come to the realization of it yet. Why do you feel that you can't give it up if you aren't? To have a family will make the child probably have genetic tendencies to become an alcoholic also. You need to go and speak with your medical doctor about this situation. Your asking your husband to stop drinking will not help. He won't stop because you ask him. Believe me, being married to an AH, I know. He has been sober now for almost 3 months and I pray every day that he stays that way. It took a professional intervention and a month in a treament faciilty to get that way, though. He also goes to AA almost every day. You both need help and I wish you the best! NMB...
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