The ups and downs can be incredibly tough and for no reason sometimes we just can't handle them as well. Be compassionate with yourself, feel the feelings, and this will pass. Please do share and read on this message board. Personally, I'm dying to hear some other information about alcoholism other than it's a disease. I have a hard time accepting it, but what have you learned over the last 20 years?

Thank you for your kind words. I got a tear from your understanding. I read "the Biology of Desire" written by a neuroscientist. There is huge neuriscientific and genetic research happening right now. Basically, I know that I can become an alcoholic (I'm a person who always said that I don't have an addictive personality). I also have a book called my naked mind, you can follow this women on Facebook, who drank too much wine, couldn't stop, and then did research and did stop. There is a support group called HAMS that does not follow the disease theory, and there is another group called SMART recovery that you can look up.
This is how I understand it, put simply:
The brain images of alcoholics are different from non alcoholics because pathways change with prolonged drinking. There becomes a disconnect between the motivational centre and the prefrontal cortex which results in pretty much, buying booze and drinking it without any reasoning or thinking about it taking place. This is a normal learning response. For example, whenever we learn something, our brain starts to do it automatically, the neurotransmitters that communicate inbetween stop firing and a scan would show a space or a disconnect, this is a good thing, it helps us drive, write, read, respond etc automatically, and unfortunately drink automatically after repeatedly fixing a hurt with drink. This, on top of habit, depression, not having strategies to cope with feelings, socialization, make it extremely difficult to stop.

Back to the brain now: we know that the brain has elasticity. It can change back. So, some alcoholics need to believe that they gave a disease and one drink will set them off into a spiral. Other alcoholics find that very discouraging and hopeless, and need to believe that one set back will not render them hopeless. Science proves this.

(Talking science has helped my emotions today calm down.. Thx again)

I loved the book " beyond addiction, how kindness and science help people change" great information from a different angle and more importantly good examples of effective communication tools. Definitely helped me.

Annette, that was a fabulous summary. Believe it or not, I had never heard it described that way. Mind blowing! And it actually gives me more hope, and less anger at the addicts in my life (although I'll still not going to invite them back in to my life or my son's life).

The only part that does feel hopeless about addiction is the separation from the drive to drink and the prefrontal cortex. It's almost like they're not aware of what they're doing. And how can you fix something you're not aware of our in denial of?

I'm hang on to zero hope that my ex alcoholic/addict will get better, but this is better than the disease theory in my mind.

Thank you!!!