Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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endlessgrief 08/05/2019

My AH had the balls to give me a stern talking to for telling his brother that he had salty snacks on his table. He was very angry with me because I was "telling on him" for eating salt when he is not supposed to per the doctor's instructions. I stood there with my mouth hanging open and my AH got all self-righteous and "lectured" me on how to be a better care taker for him. How to be a better wife. Any time I tried to defend myself against these childish and stupid accusations, he would roll his eyes and say "oh, here we go" and my favorite "YOU ALWAYS BRING IT BACK TO MY DRINKING". <<<gasp>> how DARE I mention the thing that has RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE.

He argues like a bitch and has the entititled attitude of a teenage girl. While he drank himself into oblivion for our whole marriage, I was forced to just take it, deal with it, help him, be there for him. Our whole marriage has revolved around him and his drinking. Now he has been sober BY FORCE for 4 months and he is a saint. He pays the bills therefore he rules the kingdom, it's always been like that. After 32 years of this shit, to be lectured on how to be a better caretaker for his drunk ass is insanity. Clownworld, crazy town, and I told him I cannot take this level of FUCKERY anymore. And he got angry at me for not caring more about the stupid lecture he just gave me.

Finally I lied and said I was so sorry, boo hoo. I have to go to the liver transplant meeting with him this week and he has made it clear of what I can say and what I cannot say. I had already made a dentist appointment at that time because I am in agony and need a tooth pulled. Well, my stuff isn't important so I have to change my appointment. I'm angry because my whole life has been about him and his drinking and 32 years and a lot of resentment later, nothing has changed.

DSTRICK 08/29/2019

Wow have to say I feel every bit of ur anger! 32 yrs here also and my AH has drank out entire marriage. Our kids are grown and rarely come to visit I go to see them. If he sees our grand kids it’s because I bring them over. We adopted two of our teen granddaughters and they can’t even stand to be in the same room as him. He’s a functional alcoholic and works really hard to provide I work also but has never been enough! I don’t bring half as much money in as he does so he pays all the bills except for the few bills I have. It’s been about 10 yrs now since I stopped giving him my pay check. Why bother since he does it all anyways!!! So 3 yrs ago I decided that I’ve had enough of the BS life and decided if he wanted to drink himself stupid then I will do as I choose so last year I took my first plane flight across the US and visited friends and have taken 3 more trips since and will be going for a week in 3 weeks. He can’t stand it but I swore to him on our 30th anniversary that I would never go on a vacation with him again. If he’s not working he’s drinking and it doesn’t matter what I say or do that’s all he is focused on. Of course I’m the bad one since he’s got the illness and I can’t keep my vow “of sickness and health till death due part” give me a break! Now that I’m completely over his crap and just live he wants HELP. no he wants me to be that scared little girl that he married and needed him and forgave daily. I’ve read ur post and ur completely right about what alcohol does to a marriage and to our self esteem. I don’t think I will ever completely trust myself again. I’m angry and bitter. I’m hurt and lonely! I always had kids to keep me here and keep me sane. These girls are it l, their growing up fast and nothing will hold me down. I look forward to the day that I can be free. Free to live and not have the nasty feelings that I have the constant tears held back because u never know if it will be the day that something tragic happens to him or someone else due to his choices. I wish someone would have told me what to expect growing old with an alcoholic! My heart breaks for each and every person that deals with this type of life and my hat goes off to the strong ones that get out before consumed by the nasty habit that’s not our own! Stay strong hugs and prayers sent out!

2Irish 09/21/2019

good for you dstruck - you matter too.
you are the saint and an amazing caregiver endlessgrief.

othertwin 09/24/2019

32 years here, too. Respect to all that have the courage to leave.

kiki72 01/06/2020

omg!!!!!!veeeeerbatim,,my AH, always says " you always urn it around on me", and " it always comes back to my drinking!!"..exact same thing!!i swear...i can give you some advice , as i grow absolutely sick to fucking death if it, and i have began to heal,,it goes like this , first,never argue when hes drunk, i have learned that one the very hardest of ways..second ,, his behaviours are evedent when hes sober,,third when he us sober answer with" that used to get me to thinking incorrectly so , that this is my fault,,BUT...that doesn't work on me any more..your in active addiction , you tell yourself what you want to,but im not participating in active addiction, its yours you deal with , i am calling it like i see it..thats all.

kiki72 01/06/2020

they always find the way of twisting something good into " i do as i please and your wrong for wanting me to not!!!"

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