I am so miserable. And so tired. I try to do everything, be everything to my kids. I've given everything up. There's no more of me left. My AH went to IOP for 9 months, then came out and got drunk the very next night. That was a year and a half ago. He still can't stay sober. So, everything is up to me. If my kids need a ride somewhere, a shoulder to cry on, a cheering squad, someone to talk with -- it's been me. One of my kids suffers from an eating disorder, and it's been me walking her through her recovery process. It's me who is always at the dinner table, when the AH is no where to be found, and not answering his cell phone. He won't agree not to drive drunk, so it's me who has to drive everybody, everywhere. I feel so used up. And I feel so alone. I feel like I have nobody to lean on. The few people I've told don't understand. AH looks like the nice guy, the good guy, the guy who goes to church most Sundays. No one really knows just how alone I am, or how beat-up I feel. Even our kids don't really get what I've felt. I don't want them to know everything about their father, as I want them to have a relationship with him. So it really hurts when the oldest treats me like it's my fault he's an alcoholic. I can't do this any more.