I posted here last summer, several times. I wanted to give an update, as well as remind myself of why I am doing what I am doing. I am fixing my own life. I started seeing a therapist in summer. I went to alanon a few times. I have gone back to school to complete my degree. I am making plans for my own future which don't involve my AH. The only thing that didn't work for me was alanon. I'm okay with that. Not everything has to be right for everybody.

I'm exhausted most of the time because on top of doing everything else, I am a fulltime student. But whenever I feel down about how much I have on my plate right now, I remind myself of where I am heading. I don't engage at all with the AH. I eat dinner before he even gets home. I am aware that he's going out drinking several nights per week, and drinking at home, too, and thinking he is hiding it, but I no longer make myself sick over it. He won't be in my life forever. No sense me getting worked up about him. I've completely given up on him. If he manages to some day get sober, well good for him. Then maybe our kids can have a relationship with him. But if he doesn't, well I'm working my tail off to be the good parent that they need. I think they are at the age when they recognize who they can count on, and who's just an idiot wasting the last precious years he has to be involved in their lives actively. It is sad that we've been married for 30 years, and this is the end of the road for me. But I don't feel terribly sad, more excited for my own future without him. I don't know how I will get from here, to there (the there with him gone). But I am trusting that I will get there. Mostly, my focus now is on me, and on my kids. AH is an adult. If he wants to make his own life better, he knows how. I no longer feel it is my duty to guide him into correct decisions.

I am wishing you all wellness and peace.