Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I turned fifty a few weeks ago and feel that the biggest part of my adult life has been dealing with my husbands problems with drink. That´s not to say I haven´t had a few problems myself along the way. Howevel, for the last six or seven years I feel that my life has been on hold waiting for something to change that I know deep in my heart is never going to happen.
I am so tired of climbing an invisible mountain of misery which has only had a few happy pitstops. It is time for me to stop thinking I can change things. I have tried so hard to change myself taking onboard all the advice about change comes from within and not from outside.
I feel like packing a bag and just wandering into the great unknown. This situation has hurt so many people along the way most importantly my beautiful sons who have been complete rocks for me these last few years. I really don´t deserve it as I chose to stay locked in this ridiculous cycle rather than being brave enough to walk away.
The man I loved, the lovely, funny clever confident and fearless man has long gone and now all I have is a sad seriously depressed alcoholic who thinks that all doctors are hopeless and claims to be clever enough to sort this out himself. This attitude makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs.
At this precise moment he is coughing up his lungs upstairs, has had fits for days, has kept me awake like a baby shouting out my name to tell me he isn´t well.
I just want all this to stop.
In the mean time I am trying to hold down an extemely demanding job, which I love.
My apologies if this sounds a tad self indulgent as I am completely aware of how ill my husband is. It is just so difficult.
I am just so sad and know I need to get out of this somehow.
I am so tired of climbing an invisible mountain of misery which has only had a few happy pitstops. It is time for me to stop thinking I can change things. I have tried so hard to change myself taking onboard all the advice about change comes from within and not from outside.
I feel like packing a bag and just wandering into the great unknown. This situation has hurt so many people along the way most importantly my beautiful sons who have been complete rocks for me these last few years. I really don´t deserve it as I chose to stay locked in this ridiculous cycle rather than being brave enough to walk away.
The man I loved, the lovely, funny clever confident and fearless man has long gone and now all I have is a sad seriously depressed alcoholic who thinks that all doctors are hopeless and claims to be clever enough to sort this out himself. This attitude makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs.
At this precise moment he is coughing up his lungs upstairs, has had fits for days, has kept me awake like a baby shouting out my name to tell me he isn´t well.
I just want all this to stop.
In the mean time I am trying to hold down an extemely demanding job, which I love.
My apologies if this sounds a tad self indulgent as I am completely aware of how ill my husband is. It is just so difficult.
I am just so sad and know I need to get out of this somehow.
There has bee many times I have wanted to pack and run too. I know deep down that is not the
answer. My husband has had 2 back surgeries multiple seziures but still he choose to drink and
smoke. We have had many strong dicusions. To no avail.
I have finally gotbto the point that it is what it is. I can not make him do anythings he does not want
to do. I did go to Alanon it does help you see that you are responsible for you and your happiness.
I too work and mostly up to 6 days a week. He get very depressed and it wories me what I will come home too.
I know howvhard it isvto pick up and go somewhere.
I wish you all the best
a friend ...many prayers and hugs
Perhaps that will give you clarity to see what you can do. It's good you have a job you like and can support yourself. The life you have now doesn't sound like a pleasant future either.
Time away will help you decide if you have the strength to leave and pursue your own life and make your own choices. You can even tell him how you might support him, but make clear boundaries and stick to them.
I do not think you sound self indulgent at all- merely a woman who feels trapped and is looking for reasonable solutions. You have inner strength- believe in yourself. Reach out to the few you can trust who will support you. In the end it may be best for him too. You know you cannot change him- that is his job if he chooses to do it.
You are choosing to love and respect yourself. All of us in these difficult situations must take care of ourselves.
Sending you strength!
I know your sons have been a great support to you and that is so wonderful. Do you ha e anyone else in your support circle? Al-anon? Celebrate recovery? A therapist? Any of these will help you sort things out and begin healing. Your husband has made his choice. You need to take care of yourself w/o feeling guilty. If you won't take care of you, who will? Someone told me recently, "if nothing changes, then nothing changes". Simple but so true. You do what you have to guilt free.
Do not feel cowardly for not leaving; divorce at our age (I'm 55) is a terrifying thing to contemplate. I too have lived many years with a man who used to be the sweetest guy on earth but is an absolute ***hole when drinking. Try to be as gentle to yourself, and as good to yourself, as you can. Put yourself first. You only get one life, and you have the right to live it with as little unhappiness and stress as possible. Hugs to you.
I am fighting to keep myself up everyday and reminding myself that this is his problem and not mine. I really just want to come home from work to peace and tranquility without the worry I have a very ill man in the house who refuses to go for any kind of help.
He is not in the least violent or abusive so I suppose this is what makes it all the harder to walk away. But I know that day is very close. I think turning fifty was a catalyst and has made me realise how long this has gone on.
I do really appreciate this forum and thank you and sending kind wishes to you all for a better and happier future
It is very frustrating to try to help some one you love knowing they
Don't want the help.
All we can do is keep ourselves strong for what is comming our way.
Many hugs and prayers