Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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I'm stuck

lauriegardner
lauriegardner
I used to journal ...over the years I've filled notebooks. It eventually stopped helping. ..I reeeally cracked. My daughter and her husband completely cut me out of their lives 6 years ago. ...the grief was unimaginable. I got free of Marks alcoholism 3 years ago after 18 years and attempting suicide twice. I had adjusted with God's help. Mark died 3 months ago, and I've been grieving even though I stayed seperate from him for 3 years , but my daughter and soninlaw and granddaughter just came back in my life. We didn't talk about it. Why? Why did it happen? My spirit is turned upside down with thoughts about the tremendous pain I endured!. ...and now it just never existed?. I think thoughts of warning them to stay away and don't invest their hearts in me because I'm revisiting the state of brokenness and feel like I won't make it through it. I don't know what I expect from writing this here. I endured so much pain! I'm so unsure of myself. ...even after my ah is gone I am so scarred I feel as though I can't heal. I'm scared
lostinpain92
lostinpain92
You can heal. Possibly your ordeal hasnt been mentioned by your family, is they are hoping to move forward. They know its painful for you and they dont want to bring up hurt. They are hoping that yur relationship can heal and start a new.
Do something for yourself. Yoga, maybe a book club. I know its easier said than done. One day ata time. Even if its just a walk. Allow yourself to heal and happiness will come into your life. Dont forget the pain. You couldnt if you wanted to. But honor his memory and the love you once shared by liking yourself and finding that peace. Hugs.
Community LeaderExJerseyGirl2
ExJerseyGirl2
It takes time to heal. For them and for you. Your daughter is also dealing with loss and the pain of having an alcoholic father. You might want to gently bring up with her that at some point it would be good to talk. Ask her how she is doing and let her know it is hard for you right now. But don't use her as your sounding board -- be there as her mom and her daughter's grandmother.

If you aren't seeing a counselor you should. You need someone to talk to to figure this all out. You cannot use your daughter for that. And like lostinpain says, find some inner peace. Focus on you and find the things that will help you. Yoga and mediation are good places to start. Journaling again might help too.

But first and foremost, find a counselor who can help you through this.
yw249
yw249
You will heal. Everyday it will get a little better. Hang in there and don't forget to pray. Talking to GOD (assuming you believe) will help your soul recover.
lauriegardner
lauriegardner
It's better today...thank you both. I actually did finally just go see a lady councilor for the first time this week and get to go once a week. I feel that I am being prayed for...and I am an overcomer....I declare God's truth. I haven't been this shook up for 3 years. I KNOW God is with me thru it and I will come out the other side. I'm definitely stronger today...some of the episodes I've had scare the life out of me. I'm taking steps tho. Thank you!
kimp1072
kimp1072
Keep taking the steps! You have taken a really big step toward healing by finding a counselor. Healing is a process and God has led me to some of the best godly counselors out there that have been a tremendous help in my life. Believing that God is with you and for you is the most important thing so keep on believing that!
lauriegardner
lauriegardner
God gave me a dream that was SO REAL it was more than a dream. Mark was there, but didn't want to be seen or take credit for a gift that was shared with me in the dream....but I am now doing so much better. I'm able to lay that big ball of pain at God's feet and go forward into his blessings. ....