Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Ok, want an opinion.
My husband is not the biological father of my children, but has been one of the closest things they have ever had to a father. Earlier this year, my husband had bought the older two kids new bikes for their birthdays. Money was always separate between us...mine was mine, his was his...so, the bikes were from him. Anyway...my youngest's birthday is the end of next month. He text me tonight and told me that he still intends to buy a bike for the youngest. I told him not to.
My youngest was the one that was closest to him, idolized him. He was the most hurt when we moved out. He has been heartbroken the last few weeks, since my husband and I decided that we were completely over and would divorce. The kids haven't seen him in a month now. Finally, FINALLY my son has stopped crying...has stopped asking for him or about him. I think my husband buying him a bike would only send my son back three steps. I don't want him to think that my husband and I will get back together, that my husband wants any more to do with him and his siblings. My husband has made it clear that he doesn't want to see the kids.
So, am I wrong to tell him that NO, he is not to get him a bike? I told him that I would take care of it. Is that wrong of me? I just want to protect my children from any more hurt than they have already experienced :(
My husband is not the biological father of my children, but has been one of the closest things they have ever had to a father. Earlier this year, my husband had bought the older two kids new bikes for their birthdays. Money was always separate between us...mine was mine, his was his...so, the bikes were from him. Anyway...my youngest's birthday is the end of next month. He text me tonight and told me that he still intends to buy a bike for the youngest. I told him not to.
My youngest was the one that was closest to him, idolized him. He was the most hurt when we moved out. He has been heartbroken the last few weeks, since my husband and I decided that we were completely over and would divorce. The kids haven't seen him in a month now. Finally, FINALLY my son has stopped crying...has stopped asking for him or about him. I think my husband buying him a bike would only send my son back three steps. I don't want him to think that my husband and I will get back together, that my husband wants any more to do with him and his siblings. My husband has made it clear that he doesn't want to see the kids.
So, am I wrong to tell him that NO, he is not to get him a bike? I told him that I would take care of it. Is that wrong of me? I just want to protect my children from any more hurt than they have already experienced :(
If you can afford a bike on your own - SCREW HIM. Buy it yourself. Yes, don't expose your son to more confusion and pain.
Unfortunately, the pain your son is experiencing is real and most likely the others are also very upset yet don't show it... I am going through a similar experience with my sons as well.
there are no easy answers but you taking care of yourself and getting the focus back to your and your children versus the alcoholic is the best thing you can continue to do at this time. Keep going.
you also will notice that as you get further and further away from the drama of your AH your decisions will get clearer.