Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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suemagoo 07/27/2017

hi I'm so glad I found this group as I have been questing myself if the symptoms are real of my husband been an alcoholic. I knoe now they are . My husband and I have been together for 9 years married for 3 , I have a 14 year old son who my husband has taken on as his own since he was 6 and we also now have a 4 month old Daughter . When I met my husband he always liked a drink and for the first few years he worked in a pub and I taught he drank because he wasn't happy there - even then it wasn't as bad as lately and fast forward to our first wedding anniversary- we went away for the weekend it was ruined because of his drinking the following year he was pulled over for drink driving and lately he had been drinking far to much he lies that he's going to work when he really just goes to pub and yet still comes home with 10 cans - I love him but I nearly left him twice as he shouts and is horrible to me and my son wen he is drunk it got to breaking point when he drank some spirits and I walked into kitchen and he was having the kitchen door hold him up then he just fell down this was st 9.30 AM !!! The house had become unbearable to live in him drinking sleeping on couch waking up arguementive and lot of drink driving with now 2 children I can't afford that I told him I love him very much and when he is sober he is the most wonderful person but when he is drunk he is this person who I don't know I told him for the sake of our children he needs to get help so he admitted to me for first time he knew he had a problem and a few days later went to the doctor and told her his drinking problem she prescribed meds to help him quit so he went from drinking 12+ a day to 2 a day but I told him he can only hav them at home and for 2 weeks the house was pleasant happy he was drinking non alcoholic drink instead his cans it was great. Then their was a festival in our local town and he started an argument just so he could go to the pub do he went all day and night only came home at closing hour and the nxt morn apologies told me had work for few hrs he came home drunk I found out he didn't hav work at all now he is back taking tablets+seems gd sober again but it seems if I'm not around he will have drink I'm wondering did I cause his slip up stopping him going out in dealing with this by myself as he doesn't want his family knowing I told his brother once and he went mad .

CeeCee4 07/28/2017

I hate to say it but it's all or none. Alcoholics always try to quit and think oh I'll only have 2 I have control. It's a lie to themselves. They cant. Once the person realizes they have a problem a d it's all or none progress may start or may not

CeeCee4 07/28/2017

Also don't forget NONE of this is your fault. You can't change cure or control him. It's his choice.

suemagoo 07/28/2017

He has admitted he had a problem but I still don't think he realises dat he needs to give it up completely- I have been googling symptoms of alcoholic just Incase I was been dramatic but he def is one he just doesn't realise how unpleasant the house is wen drunk , I'm just thinking if he doesn't quit altogether just it just get worse from here even tho it's already been pretty bad and it's not really a great sign if he had a relapse after 2 weeks!! And he won't go to rehab he reckons he can do it himself- but I'm not so sure .

DSTRICK 07/28/2017

like CeeCee said, they can't just drink 1 or 2 that might last a couple of days or weeks but eventually it will progress again. And it sounds like he definitely has a problem but from experience until he is ready to admit to it and do something about it your just wasting your breathe. I've been married to my AH for 30 yrs next month nothing I say gets through to him! I choose to stay and I resent the heck out of him and his drinking. I used to enjoy having an occasionally drink but I hate what its done to our family so its not something that I can't live without. Good luck to you and do keep in mind that its nothing that you have done.

suemagoo 07/29/2017

Thank you yes I think I have been in denial for years , I don't drink myself but I never needed to I could go out dancing and not need it but he needs it everyday !! I don't think he realises that he has a serious problem and he thinks he just needs to quit but he just needs to cut down on it it's only been a few weeks n he had slip last weekend - their is a football match on this evening at 7 pm we live in the country ( in Ireland) and the pub is within walking distance which is prob part of the problem, anyway I know it serves non-alcoholic beer I originally didn't want him going but I told him dat I'm trusting him to just drink non alcoholic beer the match is not on tv and I know it's just not worth the fight - it's Saturday and our wedding anniversary is on Monday so I told him please do not make me upset the weekend b4 I said I will be truely finished -although at this stage he prob sees it as an empty threat he said he will only b gone for hr and a half so will see - my problem lately is I feel I'm making most of the work with helping him and he doesn't see it as me helping he sees me as been a nag - I don't know how am I supposed to help without been "controlling" - I am actually dreading him going tonight cuz I dnt see how he is going to manage not drinking but at same time I know he has want to do it for himself and mayb wen I say don't go to the pub it just makes him want to go even more - I don't think I know much anymore

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