My heart breaks for you and myself and everyone in our shoes. I too feel overwhelmed by the feeling that our kids and myself will never be enough to keep my AH happy or sober.

I recently had a serious talk about choices with my AH - I advised him that if he continues to drink, I will be seeking a life independent of him. He is welcome to continue drinking if he prefers. Hearing this, he claimed to want to seek sobriety. One week of alleged sobriety - some days I wasn't so sure... Not to mention he isn't being honest about his addiction or seeking professional help.

Fast forward to this week - My AH travels a lot for work. He called me last night 11:30 my time (10:30 his time) to tell me he was sober and was "pretending" to drink with his work colleagues. However, this was clearly a lie based on his voice. He seriously doesn't seem to understand that I can tell he is or isn't sober by uttering just one single word. How many times do I have to remind him of this? He underestimates how good I have become at identifying signs of drunkenness.

Anyway, I will continue towards the independent life because part of me thinks he may never take this seriously. Unfortunately, I just returned to work from maternity leave last week and currently only work part-time. I have a lot of work to do on my end to establish independence.

Enough about me - I just wanted you to know I feel the exact same way. I wish I had a partner that would just relax, be content, not be jonesing for his next drink. Someone I could trust, someone that didn't lie to me constantly....

Thank you for sharing your story! It is so nice to know I am not alone. I have had some people tell me it " Who cares if he drinks a lot and ignores you. He doesn't beat you and goes to work" Like that is supposed to make it ok. In fact this morning he almost didn't get up for work. I would normally wake him, over and over. Take him water, start a shower anything to help him get moving. This morning I decided not to. Unfortunately, he was up just in time to quickly brush his teeth, change his clothes and leave for work. I so wanted him to oversleep. I wanted him to piss someone else off. I hope he smells of booze all day. I hope he is suffering with a headache and exhausted. I want him to suffer. He absolutely will not want to mess up or disappoint at work, only at home, with his family.

I just feel so alone. I don't share any of this with anyone. The embarrassment I feel is emotionally debilitating. How can this man I love, this amazing, good looking, funny man not realize that he is killing himself. His mother died of liver failure, he saw how awful it was. He felt the pain of watching her die. He saw what it did to his kids, WHY would he do the same. His mother was a FANTASTIC human being. We did not have the traditional daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law relationship. I enjoyed her and her company and she LOVED her boys, my children and myself more than anything, but she drank. A lot, everyday. At least an 18pack of beer every night after work. She was a functioning alcoholic and her son is becoming the same. I cannot watch him die. I can't let my children see that. Watching someone die is not like in the movies. It is a horrible and gut wrenching and after watching my mom die of cancer, my mother-in-law die of liver failure I CANNOT watch the man I love die. Not only die, but die from something he could prevent.

I am so sorry for just letting this all out. Like I said I talk to no one and have no one to turn to. I have never felt so alone and lost.

So sorry you are feeling this way! It's such a roller coaster of emotions for everyone involved but mostly us wives because we have to try to keep ourselves okay while they seem not to care and we have no control over what happens, but also try to deal with THEIR problems and also try to keep the kids from being affected.

I think the most important thing you can try to think of is how they are emotionally damaged even worse than us. I read this online on a site one time and even saved it to my phone so I could refer back to it, that they are actually really worried and it may seem like we are the ones always worried that we need them more and that our AH's will leave but they in fact worry about it more and need us more than we do them, they just tend to drink their problems away and that is their coping strategy. They hide it better. After I thought about it, I realized that it was true because where would he be if I wasn't around!? He tried that before and couldn't pay any of the bills, was stressed about cleaning the house and went on a bungee for the whole 3 weeks we were gone! Hang in there and try not to let him see that you are so upset.. hugs to you!

You and your kids are not the problem, there is nothing bad with you guys..He is the problem!

My husband is the son of alcoholic who is the son of an Lcoholic. My fear is for my son

I could have written that post myself. You are not alone, but sometimes it sure feels like we are.