Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Singer78 01/14/2018

Hello everyone,

My husband decided to drink last week after being kicked out. I was so angry. I get angry everytime he drinks. All of my memories come back of what he has done while he drinks ect...verbal abuse, acting billigerent, throwing glass at me when I was 35 weeks pregnant..I cry feel and feel like a fool. Now I can say I enabled him which makes me even more mad. But recently when I threw him out I felt like I was done enabling him. The other night the anger returned the thought of getting seperation papers and putting them in front of his face went through my mind. I am tired of being angry. I didnt talk to him for two days. Then when I did, he said he was sorry, I said yeah right keep telling yourself that cause it's falling on deaf ears over here. I also related a previous relationship back to someone else I dated who was an alcholic and I said at least he had the decency to break up with me and know he couldn't marry me or have a kid due ti him being a selfish alcholic. I felt bad after I said it but truthfully it probably didn't affect my A.H. I just don't know how to detach.. I can't get rid of the anger.

bluesprite72 01/14/2018

The only way to get rid of the anger, is to not push it away, but to let the emotions and thoughts wash over you. Look at what they are showing you. Ask yourself why this might have come into your mind and what can you learn from it. It usually means that you need to face them, let them come and then they will go. The more you do this, the less they will come and the faster they will go. They are only unresolved thoughts and feelings. It is easy in the beginning of this process, to let the anger and other emotions take over and run our lives. We get obsessed with what we went through and how it made us feel. You have to let the emotions come but catch yourself when they are staying too long. Try to do something else that will shift your focus and bring you back to a place of peace. Be kind and patient with yourself through this process of healing. It does not happen over night.
I wish you peace and healing from the abuse and pain.

Mika0135 01/15/2018

It's so hard to not be angry! I know what you mean. I struggle with this too. I wish I knew some better ways to handle it, but of course the anger takes over. I too have said some pretty mean things, most of which I don't even know if he remembers. Sometimes I think I just say these things to try to get through to him some way. Maybe we say them to hurt them the way they are hurting us. Either way, I know it's not productive. Maybe we can find a better approach. Hope things are better today.

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