Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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ecross1020 01/05/2015

I've been on this rollercoaster with my Husband for almost a year now, where I finally had an evening where I couldn't take it anymore, and the next day I PLEADED that he stopped drinking. I thought he had, but instead he was drinking before I got home from work and would let it wear off before I got home. I never knew until MONTHS down the road. Until one night a couple months later I came home and he was drunk, and I did what I thought was the right thing to do, drop him off out and about with his friends because that's what he wanted. So I did, and I got a phone call at 1:30 AM from the hospital that said my husband was checked in there in the ER. I had to go pick him up. I didn't ask for an apology the next day, in fact I barely even spoke to him. I waiting until he approached me and said sorry two days later so I knew he actually was ready to talk about it an apologize. He went into recovery and he stayed sober for 4 months. He then slowly would try to reintroduce it slowly. It was irritating but I did my best just to support him and encourage him to keep going to AA classes. He stopped going. It got worse. He came home drunk a few times and I was so mad.

I finally poured my heart out on Christmas day and I thought I really got through to him. Apparently not because he had a bad day at work and he thought, wait, let me go ahead a drink today since my day sucked. I'M SO DONE. I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS.

CeeCee4 01/05/2015

I have heard others say this and al anon the three C's you can't change it you can't control it you can't cure it. That's hard to hear but it's true.
It's so hard. What I have accepted is that I have boundaries. I set them clear for my husband on what I expect. I told him if he crosses those boundaries than I am gone. I can't sit back and watch him destroy his life my life and our young children's lives. He said he understood but who knows.

KatieDarling 01/06/2015

I'm so sorry for what is happening to you. It is to me too and everyone posting in this section. CC is right, the 3 C's are true. No amount of pleading will help. You have to stop enabling, meaning, let him get himself out of his own messes. He is going to do what an alcoholic does, drink and then drink some more. Believe his actions, not his words, but whatever you do, believe him when he acts. Make sense?

The only thing you can do to help yourself out of this is to help yourself. The only way to help him is to help yourself. Go to Alanon if you haven't already, or Celebrate Recovery. You have been severely affected by your husbands alcoholism to where your normal isn't eve normal and you may not realize what has become your new normal -- abnormal. I know it has for me. Also, if your insurance/income allow, go to a therapist that specializes in addictions and codependency. It will help you sort all of this out.

One last thing, if you haven't already read this, please do: Codpendency No More by Melody Beattie
It is a tremendous help sorting through emotions and working your way through the maze of issues related to your spouses addiction.

Again, so sorry. I know it hurts, I hurt too. Hugs

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