The worst ever, he has been so moody and bitchy and DRUNK for weeks. Got slightly nicer and slightly more sober for Friday but Saturday was so so and Christmas Eve ( he drank at my sisters) he started a fight with me when we got home. I was tried and stressed and disappointed and took the bait, finally he decides he can  ‘ forgive ‘ me and wants to have sex! Yuck, but in an effort to save the holiday I pretend I want to as well. He notices my less than enthusiastic performance and asks me what’s wrong. I said it was hard to find joy in being intimate with the man who didn’t apologize for calling me a vindictive Catholic bitch just like my mother ( among other lovely names) he says ‘ oh I didn’t even think about that... I’m sorry’ thank goodness he finished the sex fast, it usually drags on and on.

Christmas Day was drama free,but I just felt broken hearted all day. He didn’t help with a thing, but didn’t even slow down his drinking in front of our sons. By dinner he was a blithering drunk. 

He didn’t even wrap my gifts. Just threw them in the boxes from the store and right back into the shopping bag. He kept telling me in the days beforehand that he couldn’t shop for me because his leg hurt. But he could hobble to the liquor store every day! He can spend hours online looking at his depraved porn, but can’t do a little online shopping?

I completely lost my mind in a way I never did before. I told him EVERYTHING! How I hated the Christmas presents... four sweaters each a different size and two cheap ass pair of earrings. I told him I was sick of him being able to get drunk and be verbally abusive but I’m not allowed to get angry and sAy mean things. 

This bullshit is now coming between me and my sons! One wants nothing to do with the problem and so spends as little time as possible here so he does not encounter the worst of it. My other son cares deeply about me, but I think I tell him too much. This is tearing our family apart. Because of me partly because I feel so alone and abandoned.

my husband called them both today and one son said he drinks way too much and needs to apologize to me, the other said to leave him out of it. We are separating living space. I consider myself free of my marital vows. I’ve asked for a divorce, but financially it won’t work.

i am never again apologizing for something I’m not responsible for.i will never trust him again.