I don't know about other relationships but, I can tell you my own experience and advice I can give based on it: My husband went in April (still sober- yay!) best advice I can give it to take it one visit at a time, one day at a time. I so clearly remember the fear before the first visit. Like you, mine also went and signed himself in. I told him the same, he needed to go to rehab or I couldn't marry him- I want to have children, I couldn't leave a child alone with him the way he was. I missed him terribly. On my first visit he seemed really subdued, kinda like "resigned to his fate" -I was terrified he was going to be mad at me- he wasn't. I made every effort I could to not bring my own stuff in, to me, this was his time to really focus on him. I rallied the troops to support me so he could take care of him. It's harder than anyone who has not been through it can ever imagine- I'm not going to lie to you. It's so lonely, it's so scary, the uncertainty at times is unbearable. I was so glad I had the ability to see him every other day. Yes, the aftermath is REALLY hard too- I'm getting there but I'd say it was harder for me honestly. He knows what's going on in his head, he knows where he's at, he got the treatment. Learning to trust him again, learning to live together with him sober- really the entire dynamic of our relationship changed- like, I went from having a kid to actually having a partner. May sound fantastic and it IS- but when you are used to a relationship a certain way, even when it's bad, when it all gets flipped on its head and division of labor, expectations etc all change at once- it's dis-orienting. We're still together, still very much in love and it is amazing how much progress has been made in his life in such a short period of time. The facility said that the first year is the hardest for the addict in recovery as they learn new, better ways to cope and to exist in the world without alcohol. It takes a lot of communication-shifting, a lot of patience and a lot of space and awareness and... honestly a lot of stubbornness of "I will not give up on you, I will not give up on us" as everything changes- really, it feels like everything changed. For my husband, he went through a few hobbies turned obsessions in the first month or so after he came home and it drove me crazy but, he was still sober and it was good to see him re-engage in his hobbies. But, it took me really actively seeking the positive in these new annoyances and loosening the reigns little by little to get to where we are today. Are we perfect? No. No because there's no such thing. But, we are so much better. I guess the point I am trying to make is, absolutely it was NOT, at least for us, the worst time. Not even close. But, it does take support, patience, compassion and I think more than anything not expecting him to come home and be cured. He'll be disoriented from his life- he's been out of it mostly for months. It'll be overwhelming to him. And that's really hard on a spouse. Bring tons of love to yourself, it very... very... slowly gets better. *big hugs*