Hi ladies.  I have been blessed with several years of a sober husband.  3.5 years.  And I am back bc the alcoholic has returned.  I am almost shocked how quickly the old signs have returned.  The eye drops, the mouthwash, the BOTTLES IN THE CAR, the staggering.  The stench.  Yech.  I am sooooo sad right now.

He was a nasty drunk and I bet he will be again.  It took (in this order) rehab, 2 DUI's, separation, loss of job, house arrest, jail, house arrest, hospitalization, 1 dv arrest (not physical, but still DV), losing joint custody of his older kids, and therapy to get him sober.  Why TF would he drink again?  

He said it relaxes him.  I want to punch him in the face.  We have a 2 year old and 5 year old.  I should have left him after the first time. 

Sober him is a good man.  I am kicking myself right now cuz he planned a last min trip to where his dad lives and we just moved from and made an appt with his old addiction counselor.  Well, during Thanksgiving, with my folks there (I havent told anyone he was drinking again except 2 people who asked me and my best friend) I broke emotionally a little because he told me he was going for 5 nights, staying in a hotel, and hadn't even told anyone he was going.  All I could think was that he was going to drink himself dead in this hotel room across the country and I lost it.  

I hate this reality.  I am so tore up right now.  

Thanks for letting me vent.  I may go back to al anon at some point.  I am working on making sure I am set up to leave him.  I feel like it's inevitable at this moment.  I may be jumping to the worst case imaginable, but I can't do it again.  So hard.  It was the worst time of my life, and I have my kids to take care of.