Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
My husband and I have been happily married for 9 yrs. We have 4 children from privies marriages and one on the way of our own. When we met he was a social drinker. But over a short time it became a daily drinker, then it went from just beer to liquor and beer. I had found my self drinking daily with him but not to the extent he was. My drinking was not to escape from something. But rather something we just started doing after work together. Looking back I think I started drinking with him because I didn't want to face the fact that he had a problem and it was easier and for me to just join the problem then face it. We have always had a strong relationship. We hardly ever had a argument.
After some time of drinking together we started to have arguments over stupid stuff when we would be drunk together. And his short temper seemed to get worse and worse the more he drank. He fell asleep behind the wheel of a semi truck and had a bad accident and lost his cdl and it was all due to drinking to much the night before. He got two dui's within a couple of years apart and lost his DL. Unfortunately I am just as much to blame for the trouble he has been into because I was there drinking with him threw all of it and was not clear minded enough or strong enough to say enough is enough.
Then this last summer I got pregnant with our first baby together. I cleaned my act up and quit drinking. Quitting for me was not really a problem I only had a couple bad days then I was good again. The alcohol had not gotten ahold of me yet. When I became sober again our relationship changed in some way and I felt alone. We didn't seem as connected as we were when we was drinking together. After being sober I could see how bad his drinking had become. How bad his temper had become after drinking. How after work I couldn't get him to want to do anything but drink. He would pass out every night on the couch and wouldn't want to do anything with the kids.He couldn't remember any conversations from the night before. I noticed how his drinking was affecting the kids and the family. But I still did not say anything about it instead I clamed up and was getting depressed and felt that it was my fault that he got this bad off. Because instead of fighting the fight at the beginning I joined the party. And I felt in a way that it would be selfish of me to try to make him quit now that I'm sober and can see there is a problem. But when I was drinking I didn't see a problem with any of it.
A few months ago he got into a lot of trouble with the law and is facing federal charges and prison time. And it was all due to being very drunk and completely losing his temper over something so stupid. This was a wide awaking for the both of us. This was rock bottom for him he was on the verge of not being able to see his first daughter be born. And in his words losing everything he ever wanted us. ( his family) He was now ready to quit drinking. This was rock bottom for me as well he is everything to me and I could not see life with out him. We was not sure how many years he could face in prison but was willing to do all we could to keep him from going. We got a good attorney and started the battle. I sat down with him and told him if we can get threw this, things are going to have to change and drinking the way he was was going to have to end. He agreed completely. A few days after we had the big talk. The attorney called and told us the plea deal she had in mind. She told him that if he will go to a out patient court orders AA class for the next 6 months the judge would drop the felony and he would only be left with a few misdemeanors but if he messes up the AA class he will go to prison. We felt that it was a blessing for god.
He has started his AA classes now and it seems to help. He is not seeing a doctor for help but rather just trying to wing himself off on his own. We were told trying to quit cold turkey could kill him. So he has went to drinking about 4-5 24 oz beers a night with no liquor to start. He cant sleep and is having a very hard time with it but is trying to struggle threw it. We have started going to church and he has started back to working on cars after work to try to keep his mind from thinking about it. But the only problem with that is his buddy's come around the shop and they all drink. And that has got to be hard for him.
He is about a month in. For the first two- three weeks has done great! But this past week he fell short I caught him hiding small liquor bottles and caught him lying to me about the amount he is drinking. He has never lied to me in 9 yrs I know the alcohol is to blame and he probably feels guilty and just doesn't want me to know he is having a hard time with the battle. We talked last night and I told him I was not upset that he fell off the wagon. And that I understand. But that I was upset that he was lying and hiding it from me. He understood and felt bad about it he knows he has a lot on the line and quitting drinking is the only answer.
He has jumped back on the wagon today and I pray that he can do better this time. I know this is a battle that only he can fight but I wish there was a way I could help. The last couple of weeks I have noticed this journey is going to be new to the both of us. We are trying to adapted to the sober us and all of our routines we have had are changing its like starting a new life together. I think that is a bit a struggle in its own because neither of us are good with change to start with. I cant wait to have the man that I fell in love with 9 yrs ago back and look forward to long happy sober life together.
Thank you for reading our story. Im sorry it is so long but I find it hard to really help someone in less you know the full story. Any advise to make his journey easier or thinks I could do to help him along the way would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! And good luck to all who are fighting this battle too.
After some time of drinking together we started to have arguments over stupid stuff when we would be drunk together. And his short temper seemed to get worse and worse the more he drank. He fell asleep behind the wheel of a semi truck and had a bad accident and lost his cdl and it was all due to drinking to much the night before. He got two dui's within a couple of years apart and lost his DL. Unfortunately I am just as much to blame for the trouble he has been into because I was there drinking with him threw all of it and was not clear minded enough or strong enough to say enough is enough.
Then this last summer I got pregnant with our first baby together. I cleaned my act up and quit drinking. Quitting for me was not really a problem I only had a couple bad days then I was good again. The alcohol had not gotten ahold of me yet. When I became sober again our relationship changed in some way and I felt alone. We didn't seem as connected as we were when we was drinking together. After being sober I could see how bad his drinking had become. How bad his temper had become after drinking. How after work I couldn't get him to want to do anything but drink. He would pass out every night on the couch and wouldn't want to do anything with the kids.He couldn't remember any conversations from the night before. I noticed how his drinking was affecting the kids and the family. But I still did not say anything about it instead I clamed up and was getting depressed and felt that it was my fault that he got this bad off. Because instead of fighting the fight at the beginning I joined the party. And I felt in a way that it would be selfish of me to try to make him quit now that I'm sober and can see there is a problem. But when I was drinking I didn't see a problem with any of it.
A few months ago he got into a lot of trouble with the law and is facing federal charges and prison time. And it was all due to being very drunk and completely losing his temper over something so stupid. This was a wide awaking for the both of us. This was rock bottom for him he was on the verge of not being able to see his first daughter be born. And in his words losing everything he ever wanted us. ( his family) He was now ready to quit drinking. This was rock bottom for me as well he is everything to me and I could not see life with out him. We was not sure how many years he could face in prison but was willing to do all we could to keep him from going. We got a good attorney and started the battle. I sat down with him and told him if we can get threw this, things are going to have to change and drinking the way he was was going to have to end. He agreed completely. A few days after we had the big talk. The attorney called and told us the plea deal she had in mind. She told him that if he will go to a out patient court orders AA class for the next 6 months the judge would drop the felony and he would only be left with a few misdemeanors but if he messes up the AA class he will go to prison. We felt that it was a blessing for god.
He has started his AA classes now and it seems to help. He is not seeing a doctor for help but rather just trying to wing himself off on his own. We were told trying to quit cold turkey could kill him. So he has went to drinking about 4-5 24 oz beers a night with no liquor to start. He cant sleep and is having a very hard time with it but is trying to struggle threw it. We have started going to church and he has started back to working on cars after work to try to keep his mind from thinking about it. But the only problem with that is his buddy's come around the shop and they all drink. And that has got to be hard for him.
He is about a month in. For the first two- three weeks has done great! But this past week he fell short I caught him hiding small liquor bottles and caught him lying to me about the amount he is drinking. He has never lied to me in 9 yrs I know the alcohol is to blame and he probably feels guilty and just doesn't want me to know he is having a hard time with the battle. We talked last night and I told him I was not upset that he fell off the wagon. And that I understand. But that I was upset that he was lying and hiding it from me. He understood and felt bad about it he knows he has a lot on the line and quitting drinking is the only answer.
He has jumped back on the wagon today and I pray that he can do better this time. I know this is a battle that only he can fight but I wish there was a way I could help. The last couple of weeks I have noticed this journey is going to be new to the both of us. We are trying to adapted to the sober us and all of our routines we have had are changing its like starting a new life together. I think that is a bit a struggle in its own because neither of us are good with change to start with. I cant wait to have the man that I fell in love with 9 yrs ago back and look forward to long happy sober life together.
Thank you for reading our story. Im sorry it is so long but I find it hard to really help someone in less you know the full story. Any advise to make his journey easier or thinks I could do to help him along the way would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! And good luck to all who are fighting this battle too.
To make his journey easier, I would recommend getting him medical help. Going through the withdrawal process on his own is soooo extremely hard. He'll end up hiding it (like he did), and/or making excuses on why he needs to drink. You'll forgive and forgive and understand and understand and next thing you know, the amount of resentment will be unreal.
A treatment program will help him get all the way off and will provide him help/counseling to find the root of the problem. They'll help him build a recovery plan. One that includes what to do when faced with peer pressure, an event that involves drinking, or just how to cope with things that have caused him to drink in the past.
Sadly, if he doesn't have a recovery plan, the likelihood of staying sober is slim. I don't want to burst your bubble, but there will always be a reason to go back to drinking. There will always be an excuse: you'll do something he perceives as wrong, his job will wrong him, his friends will, his family will, etc.
To have the best possible chance of succeeding, he'll need help. I promise you it's worth the money. It sounds like he and your marriage are important to you. Invest in it.