Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Broken_81 02/18/2018

He lies to me every week about his drinking, he knows how I feel about it and yet every week he chooses the bottle and then lies about it. When he's caught in his lies, he turns it around to me, stating that he has not been drinking, and that I am crazy. Every time I take him back, thinking that maybe I was wrong (I wasn't). This weekend started the same as the last four, except I got him to admit that he had been lying to me for some time but that he loved me so it would be okay. The very next day he said that he was going for a walk with the dog and ended up getting a bottle and sleeping it off at his dad's house. To me, the fact that he keeps making the same choice over and over again, it means he doesn't love me or care about how I feel and to be honest it pisses me off.

He says he is going to start attending AA starting this Wednesday, but I do not believe him (even though I really want to). I ask him why now, what is different and he cannot give me an answer. I have given him my bottom line, if he does not follow through with this treatment, he will lose everything, he will not have me, our son, our home, nothing. He will lose everything.

I'm sad that I didn't mean enough to him for him to make the better or right choice, and that makes me so angry. He says that he loves me, but I have a hard time believing that, he's been lying to me for so long; how can he call that love? Is this fixable? I feel so alone, and I really don't know what I am supposed to do or how I am supposed to act. I just don't know what I am supposed to do.

Catsden 02/18/2018

I totally understand. My husband did the same.

hopingforbettertimes33 02/19/2018

My boyfriend lies to me all the time when it comes to his drinking. I sometimes ask if it will be a quiet night and he says, yes, of course. It does not end up being that way. Not sure why i ask except it is what I wish for so badly.

I also have similar feelings of resentment that he chooses the bottle over me. I get angry about this as well. I realize that he is so depressed in so much pain that he does not have the ability to love anyone else right now. He drinks to dull the pain. It is very hard for me to remember that. It hurts, I know. And yes, it feels very personal.

Hang in there. Hugs to you. All my best.

Broken_81 02/19/2018

This time I told him I was done, I was no longer going to accept his lies and drinking. He promised to start attending AA, but we shall see.

I find that it is so easy to act as though nothing happened, go back to the normal routine of things, but this time I refuse. I love my husband, but will walk away because I love our son more.

I guess I created a profile here so that I would not feel so alone in this, to have an outlet.

Newlife4me 02/20/2018

Broken, it took me 8 years of riding that roller coaster before I finally filed for divorce. We have 2 children, and I could see the effect it was starting to have on them, and knew I needed to act. We are all in a better place now, except my ex who still drinks, lost his job, moved in with his parents, and shows so little interest in the kids.

You’re not alone...

Broken_81 02/20/2018

New life,

Thank you. In my life, we share friends and family and while it is great that he has that support, I think what about us.

This is the last attempt that I am willing to make, I cannot sit ad listen to his excuses and accept that this is how it is going to be for the rest of my life. I want more.

Thank you for listening.

Newlife4me 02/23/2018

You and your son deserve so much more. Make his life a happy one, it’s all in your hands now. The separation is hard at first, but gets easier quickly as you realize how much happier and less stressed you are. You are strong.

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