Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Today will be day 7 that he is staying in a hotel room. One would think this would be a time of reflection and a time to begin change. I don't think he is still ready for that. I guess I have to be ready that he may NEVER want to truly change.
His mom came to visit for the weekend and see our boys play in a tournament. He called me Thursday night and asked what we were going to do about his mom coming. I could tell he was wanting me to tell him to come on home so he could continue to the lie and make nice little family for her. Bless her heart, she has no idea that her son is an alcoholic, let alone that he even drinks. So I told him he would have to deal with his mom. I didn't say come home, just, "what are YOU going to do about her visit?" He said he would put her up in the same hotel he is staying in and would just tell her with our college son still home I haven't been able to clean his room so that she has a place to stay -- What?? So, let me get this straight, you're wife hasn't cleaned up a bedroom for her mother-in-law and now she has to stay in a hotel instead of staying in our warm 3400sqft home?? Its the wifes fault??? It really made me angry that he told his mom this. I can't imagine what she thinks of me. So, I told him I didn't appreciate him telling his mom that I'm the reason she can't stay in our home and that if she smells a rat and asks me straight up whats going on that I will not lie to her; he got angry with me and told me he's just trying to do what everyone wants him to do and I can tell his mom whatever I want and that he is taking responsibility for his bad choices. Right...he's taking responsibility...uh huh.
She arrives and he meets her here at the house. They both walk in and I fully believe he had been drinking. He wasn't as bad as I've seen him, but he definitely had enough to take the edge off. OMG! He is so not ready to change.
He puts her up in a hotel and she is baffled that he is staying there too and not staying home with his family. He didn't tell her the truth. He claimed he would tell her the truth at the hotel. He did not. It's just an absolute mess. She is none the wiser after this visit but I can't imagine she didn't come away feeling things were at least a bit off.
I'm so tired of this. It is exhausting. I don't like the games and I refuse to play them. I know he has only been gone 7 days, but I'm starting to like it, especially since the moments I am in contact with him are hard psychologically on me. This sucks and my sons are watching.
His mom came to visit for the weekend and see our boys play in a tournament. He called me Thursday night and asked what we were going to do about his mom coming. I could tell he was wanting me to tell him to come on home so he could continue to the lie and make nice little family for her. Bless her heart, she has no idea that her son is an alcoholic, let alone that he even drinks. So I told him he would have to deal with his mom. I didn't say come home, just, "what are YOU going to do about her visit?" He said he would put her up in the same hotel he is staying in and would just tell her with our college son still home I haven't been able to clean his room so that she has a place to stay -- What?? So, let me get this straight, you're wife hasn't cleaned up a bedroom for her mother-in-law and now she has to stay in a hotel instead of staying in our warm 3400sqft home?? Its the wifes fault??? It really made me angry that he told his mom this. I can't imagine what she thinks of me. So, I told him I didn't appreciate him telling his mom that I'm the reason she can't stay in our home and that if she smells a rat and asks me straight up whats going on that I will not lie to her; he got angry with me and told me he's just trying to do what everyone wants him to do and I can tell his mom whatever I want and that he is taking responsibility for his bad choices. Right...he's taking responsibility...uh huh.
She arrives and he meets her here at the house. They both walk in and I fully believe he had been drinking. He wasn't as bad as I've seen him, but he definitely had enough to take the edge off. OMG! He is so not ready to change.
He puts her up in a hotel and she is baffled that he is staying there too and not staying home with his family. He didn't tell her the truth. He claimed he would tell her the truth at the hotel. He did not. It's just an absolute mess. She is none the wiser after this visit but I can't imagine she didn't come away feeling things were at least a bit off.
I'm so tired of this. It is exhausting. I don't like the games and I refuse to play them. I know he has only been gone 7 days, but I'm starting to like it, especially since the moments I am in contact with him are hard psychologically on me. This sucks and my sons are watching.
Good luck and hang in there. It may take time and he may never come around but either way you need to put yourself first and stop worrying about what he is or is not doing and what he is or is not telling people.
Here it is Sunday at 11pm and he didn't call once to check in with his sons who have school tomorrow. He didn't call once or text me just to check in. Nothing. And no, I didn't do that either because I don't feel it is my responsibility to do that.
So, I will call another lawyer for a second opinion in the the morning. I'll call Cherokee Services to see what is available to someone like me w/o a college degree, who stayed at home for 22 years raising and home educating 4 boys and graduated one of them from high school. It is a terrifying time for me but I'm determined to do what I need to in order to find peace and some resemblance of normalcy for myself and my sons.