Well, he's out of the house! The Thursday before last my AH went on a drinking binge and never came home. He called a few days later and wanted some of his things. Yesterday he wanted all of our work tools and I gave those to him, along with the remainder of his clothes. He had left me with owing a lot of bills and I was not wanting to give him anything at first. He called the police and the explained to him that he had left the house and that we would have to take it to court, unless I wanted to give him our tools. He knew that I was going to sell the tools, if needed, to get the money I needed to help with our household bills that he left me with. His mother told me to just give him his tools and maybe he would stay away for good. I think that she was afraid of what he might try to do to me. She told me that she would help me however she could and that I deserved better than what I was getting. She told me that she will always love her son, but she feels that he has held me back. She told me that she feels that I do better without him (when we have separated) and that I will have more in life without him. I have been with my husband for almost 23 years, had a lot of ups and DOWNS, etc. I am having mixed feelings at this point. I feel guilty that I am almost happy that I am going to be able to start over. I am glad that I am not dealing with the alcoholism in the house and that he is currently not bothering me. I have been soooooooo tired of the arguing and living with someone who I can't trust in almost all ways. I have been called just about every kind of name you can think of and been physically abused at times by him. I told myself when I turned 30 that I did not want to live my thirties like my twenties, but I did. Now I am almost 40 and I absolutely don't want to be treated like this anymore! I am nervous about starting over, getting a divorce and everything that is ahead of me, but know it will be okay. I will just have to take things a day at a time and hopefully get through everything a better person. I can honestly say that I am scared of this new chapter in life. I don't miss the drinking, snoring, name calling and the constant uneasiness, but do miss him being here at times. I am going to have to learn how to get out and make friends, etc. I have went so long with keeping to myself a lot, that I will have to relearn some things. I know that I am better off without him, but it is still really hard. Please keep me in your prayers.

Tam