Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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Hate the guilt!

Tambo5
Tambo5
My divorce from my AH was final on Novemver 18th. Even though I know that this is what needed to be done.... it doesn't keep me from still loving him. I am having a hard time, because he is going down hill. He is getting into harder drugs and not doing well. I know that these are his choices and that I can't control what he does.... it is just really SAD. I have only seen him once in over three months. A week or so ago he called threatening to OD unless I told him that I was equally at fault in our marriage, which I agree to.... it takes two. I thought that I was holding together really well until that night. The thought of losing him forever is killing me. It is one thing to be divorced, but another if they are 6 feet under. I don't know what his bottom is, but I sure hope that it is not his grave! I hate how alcoholism can tear a family apart and how it hurts lives! I feel like I have pushed him over the edge and I'm afraid of the end result! All I can do is pray!
lori47
lori47
Tambo, I know how you feel. We started this divorce process together and we ended it together. Mine was final 11/15. God, was so hard to divorce someone I still love. Mine also doesn't have the guts to face me. I've seen him 2x in 4 1/2 mths.

You have to remember...you are at the point it will kill you emotionally if you don't cut the ties. Mine took a different route. He wasn't willing to change so he found someone else. That hurts but part of me is glad because I used to worry he would kill himself. But he still isn't happy. And still hasn't stopped contacting me.

Stay strong. You are young and beautiful. If you can find a way to cut the emotional bonds, you have a lot of life ahead of you. We both need to realize they have chosen to use alcohol and drugs to escape reality.

Hope you are in counseling or something like it. I cannot imagine surviving this emotionally if I wasn't.
Tambo5
Tambo5
Thanks Lori47! We did start the process together and end it together.... wow! Your right, I probably do need to see a counselor. I can't afford it right now, but know it needs to be on my to do list.
Tambo5
Tambo5
Thanks Lori47! We did start the process together and end it together.... wow! Your right, I probably do need to see a counselor. I can't afford it right now, but know it needs to be on my to do list.
Tambo5
Tambo5
Thanks Lori47! We did start the process together and end it together.... wow! Your right, I probably do need to see a counselor. I can't afford it right now, but know it needs to be on my to do list.
Tambo5
Tambo5
Thanks Lori47! We did start the process together and end it together.... wow! Your right, I probably do need to see a counselor. I can't afford it right now, but know it needs to be on my to do list.
Tambo5
Tambo5
Thanks Lori47! We did start the process together and end it together.... wow! Your right, I probably do need to see a counselor. I can't afford it right now, but know it needs to be on my to do list.
Tambo5
Tambo5
Sorry, I have no idea why it repeated four times! I only hit submit once!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry for your pain.

I have to disagree, though...it takes two to make a marriage work, but it only takes one to shoot it all to h*ll.

You don't deserve the pain he has put you through. Please remind yourself of that.
Tambo5
Tambo5
Thanks Mezzorella! When it bothers me, I start thinking of all of the bad, and how we now have peace in the house. Sometimes it is hard to accept the things that we cannot change. We can't control others and sometimes have a hard time controlling ourselves! I am thankful that me and my children have a lot of good days and not so many bad days! I have a lot to be thankful for!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Tambo! I'm there with you! Everything about this sucks.. Whether you leave, whether you stay. Divorce, no divorce. Especially when kids are involved. It just sucks. Guilt is overwhelming. How horrible am I to wish my AH was still drinking himself into oblivion bc his recent change has made the guilt, second guessing myself worse? I really don't wish that but am just so overwhelmed. I am thankful for his change for our childrens sake. I know many of us have things much worse. I'm sorry we are all dealing with alcoholism and it's fallout!