Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

0 Online

Magoo123 10/29/2017

I'm new here. I am beyond anger. I feel rage as I caught him sneaking drinking in his workshop room again. Of course he says it was the first time. This happens ever few months. He knows my trust was already damaged. I hate him for doing this to us to our 22 year marriage to our young boys. I think this is probably what it feels like to be cheated on time and time again. I no longer know what to do. Currently he's playing his victim card of saying he has a problem. He never follows they with any of his promise to not drink. It's always about everybody else's feelings never mine. Like he thinks people at social gatherings will think he's odd if he doesn't drink. I feel so so sad for my children that they have to grow up with this. I never thought this would be my life. I guess I shouldn't have dismissed the possibilities since his mom died when he was very young of drugs and alcohol. I have tried to talk with friends and family but they all love him so much and I think they don't want to acknowledge that he could have a problem.

learningpatience 10/30/2017

He has to admit that he has a problem and that he needs help before he will make any kind of change and even then it can take a long time. You are only in charge of you, and if it gets dangerous for you or your kids you have to leave. He will not respect your position as wife or mother, he doesn't care about his role as father, just what is going on with him and how he will be able to get his next drink. Alcoholics are fundamentally selfish. It's very sad that his family isn't willing to accept this reality, many people are willfully blind to addiction because it's hard to deal with and no one wants to accept that responsibility. They don't want to do the hard thing, don't want people to be mad at them. Your first step should be to seek therapy for yourself, that will help you figure out what to do next. Keep coming here to vent. Sometimes it's comforting to know that you are not alone. I think it's one of the most important things and I wish I could talk more openly about it online. It's crazy how open people are to listening to recovered addicts but there is no open platform for the loved ones of addicts. We're still in shame.
Time to put a stop to that.

BeachyKeen 11/07/2017

Quite similar here--Married 20 years and my husband has sworn he'd stop/cut back on drinking dozens (a hundred?) times. He decided to drink heavily on Saturday and was drunk before dinner. When I (again) asked why, and reminded him that just 2 days before he said he wants to get healthier, he went nuts. Yelling ensued and I told him to leave. He told me to leave. So I went to my sister's and slept there. I came back on Sunday, and he has since been staying in our RV. We haven't spoken face to face, but have texted the minimum of communications. Other than his drinking, we don't fight about anything. I don't know what to do--how long do you wait to say "do you want to talk?" or "do you want a divorce?". I don't even know what I want. I never thought this would be my life either :(

Join the Conversation