Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I have this terrible feeling that something bad is going to happen. Not to me, but to AH. I have NEVER in the 37 years we’ve been married seen anything like this. The amounts of vodka he consumes are staggering! The mental deterioration is heartbreaking. His rages and tantrums are increasing. ( apparently the dog groomers had to threaten to call the police on him) I’m really worried, trying detachment and communication techniques but failing miserably after a while. I won’t tolerate any disrespect or be the target of his anger or his crazy accusations. I know I should not engage and I really try. But after a while it’s too much. And he is soooo sick. Starting to stay up for two days with no sleep. I watched him trying to clear snow off his windshield the other day, kept falling in the snow. So pathetic.
he told me the other day that he was suffering from ptsd from his army days 40 years ago ( this was after the angry drunken windshield antics ) he came back in the house and stood in front of me so I took off my head phones and yelled angrily thT he was sorry he’s an asshole. He said he was going to call the VA hoital in our area to get help on Monday. I’ve heard all this before so I was less than impressed. But tonight when he finally pushed enough of my buttons And I had a melt down!! Asked him to go to another room. I heard him on the phone with the VA and he says they are calling him back tomorrow to set up some help. He said he told them about the drinking but I didn’t hear him say that ( yes I was listening on the other side of the door.)
i hope they call and he follows through. I would even go so far as to get my son here and drive him to the Psych ER at the local university hospital. Or even the va hospital Er if they would take him and he would agree. ( he won’t )
this all feels so surreal. Shit.
Keep ur head of and stay focused on yourself...
I woke him this morning before I left for work as this is as close to sober as I can get. I only a.lowed five minutes. I told him I was overwhelmed and ashamed of my rage last night and apologized for any inappropriate words I flung his way. Then I told him I need some breathing space and will be making myself a bit scarce around the house. So if he would be unable, for any reason, to walk and feed the dogs this evening please call or text and I will be sure to come by. THIS GOT HIS ATTENTION. Where did I think I was going and what was I going to do.? I told him it wasn’t the point that I just needed some time to myself and I would be home around 8 after alanon. His response was the usual I don’t give a shit.
He calls me at 11 am shitfaced, to tell me he hired a contractor to do some work for us at 2500$ more than we discussed, and that the VA called and he has some sort of appointment next Friday. Click- hangs up. Haven’t heard about the pups. I’m going to a union meeting right after work which will get me to alanon just in time. My emotions are just ragged.