Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

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endlessgrief 04/18/2019

AH has been drunk our whole marriage of 32 years. I used to baby him, clean up after him, blah blah blah, you all know the stories, you are living them.

For the past 7 or so years I got some heavy therapy and learned everything I could about alki's and narcissim. He stopped showering, stopped wanting sex, no hugs, no kisses, and no quality time. JUST DRINKING ALONE TIME in the kitchen while I hid in my room afraid to be near him because he could be a mean dude when drunk. So I "DETATCHED WITH LOVE" and even GREY ROCKED it. Well, once that happened I could see clearly that he was who he was and I could never change him and I backed off completely. HE NEVER NOTICED.

Recently, his liver gave out completely and his stomach ballooned up with fluids and it looked like he was pregnant with triplets. His body started to fill with water everywhere, especially his feet. Took to the hospital 3 times in the past 2 months and he needs to go and have a long needle inserted in his belly to drain the fluid. Each time he gets sucked out it's about 10 liters. THAT'S FIVE 2-LITER BOTTLES OF POP! So he is sickly, CANNOT DRINK ANYMORE, can't have salt and his muscles are useless. When he as in the hospital I felt free and was happy. Blasted my heavy metal like I did as a teenager and I let the dogs bark.

Now that he is sick he wants to spend time together. He gets hurt and pouts a lot when I don't want to hang with him. He pouts the way I used to pout! Truth is, I have detached so far, I no longer love him and I don't want to spend time with him. Now instead of being drunk, he is a weak old man with MAJOR mood swings and he gets mad at me all the time for the dumbest things. "YOU DRANK SOME OF MY POP" "HANDS OFF MY ICECREAM" "YOU DON'T WANT TO SIT WITH ME, YOU DON'T CARE" I roll my eyes and mock him in an Eric Cartman voice. WHAT EVER, I'LL DO WHAT I WANT, and I will giggle at him while he sits there shooting daggers. When he gets mad at the dog barking (umm, hate to tell you this jerkoff, but DOGS TEND TO BARK!!!) I get up and calmly walk into my room.

Has anyone else gone through his with their husbands, where their body make them stop drinking and not their decision to stop drinking? Isn't playing nursemaid to the person you can't stand anymore make you want to puke?

DSTRICK 04/22/2019

mine hasn't got to that point yet, but I have! I've always been the quit one cleaning up after him and tip toeing around to keep arguments down, never wanted to say anything to hurt his feelings. But what about my feeling??? How many times does he tip toe around to not hurt me when all he cared about was getting to the liquor store for his daily fix. My AH thinks that since he holds down a good job and pays the bills that he's entitled to drink. And I believed that for years. I told him 3 years ago when I turned 50 that I was getting to old for this crap, i'm tried of the merry go round life... He didn't have to quit but he had to slow down and make an effort. 3 years later, I don't think it would matter now if he was to quit completely, I don't like anything about him and have lost all respect for this man that I used to love with my whole heart. I will always love him but IN LOVE, don't think I will ever get that back. Sex ended a year ago for me, why even bother! I only hug him or kiss him on the cheek when he's sober leaving for work in the mornings. I don't talk to him while he's drinking, whats the purpose? Your just repeating the same crap. He wonders why i'm this away, really??? One can only take so much and I try to explain that i'm a woman married to 2 different men and I don't see the 1 I like enough to love. Sorry if it hurts, maybe he should have thought about this sooner when I asked him to! Hang in there and don't back down you deserve a better life as we all do! Hugs

endlessgrief 04/23/2019

Even though I don't know you DSTRICK, I adore you as my fellow sister in this hell of being married to a dick long term and I too am in my 50s now. Also, I think I am going through menopause, weight gain, cranky and hot all the time. My whole life I was cold, always had a heating pad on my stomach even in summer. He always complained about me being cold. NOW that he is sick, he is cold ALL THE TIME and complains at me for opening my window or turning down the heat.

If that BASTARD asks me one more time "are you cold?" meaning SHUT YOUR WINDOW, I am going to go apeshit on him. Doesn't it seem that no one gives a shit about us, the spouses of AHs? No one ever baby's us, we must BE STRONG, IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH and all that happy horse shit. With age comes wisdom and I am no longer the 20 something who thought he walked on water even when I was cleaning up his puke. Now he can just lay in it, my feelings are completely gone. It's kinda scary but once the veil is lifted, it cannot be put back.

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