My husband has been sober since the beginning of August. Since then we have done a handful of things together with the kids but that is the exception, not the rule. We don't talk much, and I prefer not to be around him.

Maybe this time he will stay sober. I have no reason to think he will based on the past year. I am always wondering when he will start again. Even if he stays sober, he has hurt me so much and caused so much damage to our marriage and family, I am not sure it matters. Doesn't sound like a great way to live, and it isn't.

If you don't want to do things with him, then why should you? Everything revolves around him when he is drunk, why do you have to continue to cater to him when he decides not to drink for a bit?

My husband seems to think that when he isn't drinking everything should be back to "normal." How can it be after all he has done?

I hear ya, ExJerseyGirl. Like our pain doesn't matter. LIke they have an excuse for their behavior. After all they were drunk, they can't be held responsible for their words. So unbelievably selfish of them!!

that is the part that drives me mental, no apologies, and the excuse is always I was drunk. as lostinpain said....selfish. its a never ending cycle.
I like to read the posts here, its as if the words everyone else is saying are coming out of my own mouth. when my husband is sober he barely speaks, those days I just regroup waiting for the next time.

I keep saying the same thing, when reading the stories. Its like they are my own words. Priscilla, We are all living the same hell.

I agree. My AH is sober at the moment too. He's wanting everything to return to normal. It won't. Not ever. Once I filed for divorce, it's like he woke up and realized that wow, I was really serious.

Suddenly he went to a treatment center. The reason? He realized if he didn't do it now, he wouldn't be able to because his health insurance would go bye-bye when I do.

He swears he'll never go back to it. I say, yeah right. I've seen him stay sober for up to 2 months before. He's a month in. I'm waiting until after the first of the year to finalize the divorce (I don't want to be screwed on my taxes). This will give me time to see if he can actually stay sober (for parenting time purposes) or if he goes right back to it.

No matter what though, the damage is done. I have no desire to reconcile. His efforts are too little, too late for me. Just because he finally "woke up" doesn't mean that everything he has done and said in the past just miraculously wipes clean. No, there's still consequences to your actions. Time to face up to them and learn other ways to cope.

For me, I enjoy what I can because I still want a marriage. I know when all is said and done, I will not be feeling regret because I have treated him with kindness, respect & love when he's able to receive it. But then again my emotions are up and down, so by this time tomorrow I might be saying total opposite. Crazy cycle.

All of the above true we ignore as much as much as we can .. I work out side the home Thank God.
We cry ourselves to sleep
God bless and manybhug

yes, lostinpain we are all living in the same hell. Sometimes, for me, its good to read what others are saying about this because it makes me think I 'm not alone or going insane. I cannot believe how similar all the stories are which helps me alot. The loneliness does get to you, the insecurity, the sadness, the what ifs. take care.

When my AH was actively drinking the thing that saved my life was school. I had something just for me, with deadlines and responsibilities, which meant it came first and his bad behavior second. I've been in Al-Anon for a year and thought I had everything down pat, and things were going good with him having 8 months of sobriety under his belt. And then poof. Just like that it was all down the drain again and we were in the ER. The best advice I can give it to focus on you and take care of you. The other thing I've learned is to treat him like the man I want him to be. Its a waste of my energy to yell and pick fights, which I did a lot. I just try my best to point out his good qualities and focus on what he is doing well at. If I hung my hopes on his now 2 week sobriety, I would be devastated again. The only person I can fix is me and he is not my project.

Just need to vent due to ah illness he is now with me ..thinking it would
Be easier to care for him . I have accepted he is never going to quit drink
But he is all alone in the world no one else to care for him and is in his final
Months. I still love him and he feels bad for all he has put me thru and now
Leaving me with everything else to deal with.
I guess I'm numb to his end of his life sagas ..I know as he knows it will happen
I have to put it past me and do the best I can.
Need lots of prayers and hugs
I'm so glad I have you all to be there for me.

many prayers for you bonblue