Well I never actually got to the act of leaving because he actually went into outpatient rehab and got sober but I was literally one foot in and one foot out of the door. The courage that I got to get to the point of leaving was the fact that I realized I wasn't happy and I was miserable and that I just didn't want to live my life like that anymore. I would rather live my life alone and without a husband and be single for the rest of my life and live another day and Hell. There's so much more to life than just having a partner. There's family and friends children loved ones. You don't need a significant other or a husband to complete your life you need to start living your life for yourself and what makes you happy. Just like any marriage if there is alcohol or not alcohol you both have to work together to make each other happy and if one partner isn't doing that then it's a failed marriage it's hard to keep things together. You just have to learn to do what makes you happy and if being with him is going to make you miserable understanding that and getting up and getting the courage to move on is the best bet. Honestly I think that most women stay with their husbands because I don't have the financial means to support themselves to go out on their own. It makes sense typically alcoholic husbands are people with addictions try to find somebody that is code dependent on them so they can't leave even if they don't realize that they're doing that.

We have a blended family, and my husband has verbalized to me that when he has his kids, he does not give a ---- about me! I have been called every "B" in the book (and some that he created)! I just want to be happy! I want to live according to God's principles of marriage and I don't think that includes being disrespected and verbally abused!

When it comes to leaving, your enemy will be your love for him. It will be the pity you feel for him. Hope that he will one day change will keep you from leaving. All those things will weaken your resolve. You have to steel yourself and channel your rage, disappointment and hurt and keep those memories at the fore as you leave and create a new life for yourself.

In full disclosure: I say all this having just emerged from another binge-disaster where my AH threatened to kill himself if I left. He cried and said his life wasn't worth living without me. He made every promise under the sun. I broke down and said I would stay. I was weak. I fell for it again. I couldn't stand the idea of having his death on my hands. I know it's just another form of emotional abuse on his part, but this time I think he would have really done it.

So it was my love and pity for him that sapped me of my strength. I'll probably be back in this forum the next time he does this. My fear is that I'll be in this darn forum for the rest of my miserable life. No disrespect to all the great ladies who offer support here...I'm just mad at myself for getting duped again.

if I had it to do all over again I would leave. I only stayed because of financial reasons and of course I always thought this nightmare would end one day, it never did. the only advice I have is if there is a way you can leave do it, and don't stay like I did. it will never change, it will get worse and you will wake up one day and realize you wasted your entire life. I know its easier said than done, and its not easy, but if you can find a way out take it for your own sanity. a few recover, most never do. Good luck.

One day I was watching old movies of my children when they were little, and I saw how happy and relaxed I was at that time in my life. My husband's drinking was at a low level at that point, but it escalated over the past 8 years. I realized that I had become a very different person than the person that video (as a result of dealing with all the crap that comes with an alcoholic), and I wanted to be that person in the video again.

My (now ex) husband's drinking, led to health issues and incredible stress in mine & my children's lives. Fortunately I have a good job and am financially secure. I had seen the writing on the wall years ago, and thought I might end up divorcing if things worsened. I'm not sure I could have done this if my kids were still little, so timing does come into play.

I had started keeping a journal of all the things that had happened through the years, and when I made up my mind to move ahead with the divorce, rereading all that took place over those years really help to keep me on track. Fortunately I am the type of person who will, once I make up my mind, not look back nor change my mind. That's probably because it takes me a while to get to that point, and I probably put up with more than I should, but once I make up my mind it's final I had warned my husband of this many times, saying that at some point I would call it quits, and there would be no going back. And that's just what I did. I am so much happier now.

Its like a cycle they drink say their sorry and we forgive! I don't understand it.... I open my mouth to say what I feel and when I speak its not at all what i'm thinking.