Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Wendyhco 01/14/2018

I have made the decision to leave my alcoholic husband. I feel like family and friends have no idea the amount of pain being in this type of situation has caused and are judging my efforts and my sympathy that I still have towards my husband. I feel so isolated and alone in this pain. I still love my husband and know he is a good person underneath all the drugs and alcohol that has damaged his soul. How do you find the strength to make the change and think about being alone. Even despite the drinking, mood swings and knowing this is so toxic, I am terribly sad and feel not strong. I have not done alnon but am planning on attending a meeting. It is just so overwhelming and going to a meeting to talk more about all this seems stress filled. Help! What kinds of things do you guys do to get your strength back?

bluesprite72 01/15/2018

Actually, alanon would be a good step. You are going to realize you are not alone in your suffering. You don't have to talk about your situation unless you are comfortable. I went to quite a few meetings before I had said anything. All you can do emotionally, is just go and listen to others stories.

You may want to find a therapist as well, who is trained in addiction. Also, for me, I have always written my thoughts, feelings and experiences down on paper. It helps me to clear my head and say all the things I wouldn't dare say out loud. Either way, it is a process, a journey of healing and self discovery. It will take time.

You have the strength inside already. You just have to clean all the things up around it, that are blocking you from finding that strength. Think about all that you have been through and put up with. That takes a whole truck load of strength to make it to where you are now. Just admitting that you are ready to leave a toxic situation is strength in itself.

Start taking care of you. When the bad days come, give yourself space to face them and heal from them, like when you are sick and you rest your body. This is like an emotional sickness that will come and go. Start trying to do things for yourself that make you feel good about you. Start wearing the clothes that make you feel happy and good. Listen to music, read, do a craft, whatever it is that brings you joy. Start being more present in the moment. Pay attention to some little spark of joy that comes your way during the day. Look into doing mindfulness exercises. Do some deep digging into yourself and the beautiful, wonderful woman that you are. Plus, keep coming back here. This place helps us all through the bad days.

You will make it to the light at the end of the tunnel. Start visualizing the way you want your life to look and feel some day. Plan how your living space will look and feel. If you need to redecorate, start planning how that will be. Peace will come.

Mika0135 01/15/2018

I have felt like leaving so many times but haven't had the strength to either. It's not easy! There is so much involved. Have you told him that you plan to leave?

Wendyhco 01/15/2018

Thank you both so very much. It is really reassuring to hear that there are other strong women who are going through the same thing. I have told him we are seperating, I had to go to his rehab center on sat and have a facilitated seperation conversation. It was so painful, he looked terrible and was crying and I know he wants to change but can't do the ride anymore. He is still hopeful that I will change my mind but he heard it all in front of his therapist and they are working out his treatment plan now.
He is going to get an arbnd when he gets out and then we will figure out the house and what to do with the seperation moving forward. Some days I feel so strong and then when faced with the reality of it, it seems overwhelming. My daughters deserve more and I want to make sure they have this. I take it all day by day. He gets out a week from today and then the reality of if will sink in but I am doing what I can to take care of myself. I will go to an alnon meeting some day this week.

Bluesprite72- That is great advice and just what I needed to hear. It sounds like you are on the road to peace and feeling joy again. I am so happy for you. I really appreciate you taking that time to help and you really did :)

endlessgrief 01/19/2018

if they live their loves through the haze of booze, THEY DON'T EVEN SEE YOU. Do you feel alone, BECAUSE YOU ARE ALONE. We need to learn to exist without another's influence and just be who we are.

look, my AH has not made love to me in over 5 years and while it hurt (since I put his feeling about my appearance above my own), we need to realize that even if we looked a top sexy model, they still wouldn't get their dicks up because their problem is physical.

OURS ARE PSYCHOLOGICAL, AND ONCE UNDERSTOOD WE CAN RISE AND BE WHO WE REALLY WANT TO BE.

can you image not having to do any of the things listed below?

not having that sickness in your gut at he drives off to the store.

maintain your home because you take pride in it

not pacing the floor in the wee hopes you don't get a call from the police.

getting drunk phone call from husband to bail him out AGAIN. The last time he tried this, i let him rot and never bailed him out..

cleaning piss soaked sheets

being woke in the middle of the the night because ALCOHOLIC THE SEA MONSTER has taken a mean fall and get up

next day NO MEMORY OF WHAT HAPPENED. another lonely part of living with an alkie. And so it goes, YOU ARE THE ONLY NON DRUNK TO WITNESS THIS AWFUL BEHAVIOR, THEN GET told my the DH, I am imaging things.

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