I have so been there. It’s the worst helpless empty feeling! I finally left my AH two weeks ago. He had come home over the weekend and told me I’d be happier if we would just get a divorce because he said he is just broken and will never change. So I made arrangements for my family to come help me move out the next day. That morning he made a half hearted attempt at asking me to stay. He said all the same stuff he always says to me. “I could try harder” “I won’t give up on us if you won’t give up”. It still makes me so sad to think about that. It was basically the last real conversation we had. My kids and I have been staying at my sisters. It’s been so good for us! It’s a stable normal house! My brother in law is a good husband and a good dad to their girls. I feel like it’s been so good for my 7 year old daughter to see how a normal husband is supposed to act. And good for my 4 year old son to see it too. It’s so nice not worrying about if my AH is going to come home drunk and be crazy. Or be up all night worrying about him when he doesn’t come home at all. I’ve actually gotten GOOD sleep! My anxiety and depression are better. I’ve lost some weight. And I just feel better. I love my AH. I always will. But I had to remove myself from that toxic situation. I’m sorry I just went on a rant lol I just want all these wives on here to get to feel the relief that I’ve felt for the last few weeks. We all deserve it! We all deserve so much better than the constant worry and stress. Hang in there friend. You’re not alone. Hugs to you!

I just wish my AH would sleep in another room. I've tried moving to the couch because i'm to that point that I could careless if we were ever intimate again. He snores so loud I used to kick or push him till he stopped now I just lay their unable to sleep because if I wake him I know its just going to start with him trying something and I refuse! People don't understand why we stay??? I don't even understand why! Time just gets away from you, it just seems like we celebrated 20 yrs and now its going on 31 yrs. I think I convinced myself that one day things would have to change but now if it changed I don't know if it would make a difference in how I feel.... He's the man that I used to love with my whole heart now he's just a man that gets so under my skin that I can't even look at him the same. Wish I could tell you that things will get better but honestly I can't!

Ella, good for you girl! The courage that it takes to leave especially when they try so hard to convince us that things will change one day.... It's the saddest thing I wish that I was more stronger like some women. I'm turning into a bitter person that doesn't care how I sound anymore to him. It used to hurt me to say how I really felt, when he would ask I would lie just to keep from hurting his feelings, what about my feelings? How long are we supposed to put our lives on hold to make someone else happy. I ask this question daily! All we can do is pray for guidance. Good luck to you!

Bear my husband sleeps on the couch then comes over early in the morning. Still cold though, and quiet. Our sex life is pretty much scheduled around his drinking. He’s sober for a while then falls off the wagon after a few months or weeks. I stay for our kids...he carry’s a good job (how I have no idea) and I do t think I can do it on my own.

Ellabella, good for you!! I don’t know how you managed to get up the courage to leave, but that’s awesome. Every day for me is mystery. I never know what I’m going to come home too. I do appreciate the fact that he wait s until the evening to drink himself to sleep, but he gets sloppy here and there. He can be “normal”, but only for a short period of time. I’m afraid for the day I don’t recognize him inside. It scares me to death. And I worry for our kids most of all.

Well I don’t feel so alone now when I know I’m not the only one!

Ellabella congrats you made the ultimate move! I hope someday I too will have the courage to move on. It’s so nice to hear that overall your feeling positive about your decision.

Dstrick - oh you poor thing. It’s the worst when your not getting enough sleep on top of dealing with your partners behaviour. I can see why you stayed and everyone is on their own journey. It’s the hardest decision of your life I think. Stay or go - there’s no right answer?

Faith - I stay for the kids too and the fear of the financial and emotional burden. Hard to decipher what would be worse sometimes.
My kids are so little still 9mths, 2 yrs and 5yrs. I feel I couldn’t do it on my own yet.
I’m just taking each day as it comes. Try to see my real husband under his addiction.

Bear, I do think we all need some type of outlet. Whether it’s to see a doctor, therapist or for me it’s working out. I take our kids with me so they can play in the local Rec area in a good environment. I think it’s important not to get lost in their mess. Just push forward and find some healthy outlets for you and the kids. My AH comes along too when he’s having his good day. I’m not one for therapy myself. I don’t feel as though they will understand me or what I’m going through, and I don’t want to hear that I should leave, because nothing is that easy. I would still have to deal with the consequences and hurt my children would then feel. I just give it to God.

I think that is good advice. I need to start walking my dog again when my husband gets home. It should clear my head. Thanks