Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Sorry, I need to vent!!!
My husband has been an alcoholic since before I met him. Although I really didn't know it at the time. We have been together for 21 years and have three children. We have had plenty of ups and downs. I think that he has been sober now for 4 months and out of treatment for 9 months. He has had a couple of slips and the last one he was gone for five days. He was out getting drunk and when his friends were tired of him they called me to come and get him. I feel like when he needs me that I am there for the biggest part and when I need him it is only if it is convenient! He wanted to come back home after treatment and even though I was not 100% sure, he convinced me that things would change. Things have changed for the better in some areas, but I am still having trust issues with being responsible. I am still having days where I feel extremely guilty over things I say or don't do. I feel like everything is boiling over in me and I am having small explosions. I wanted to work on him being sober and our marriage for the first year when he came home. I wanted him to get a regular job and not focus on starting a company of his own (which he wanted to do) until we had a better foundation. We had a business years ago and a lot of things went wrong and I had trust issues because of it. The trust issues were mainly about responsibility and money. He had lost $8,000 dollars while out on a drunk and didn't take care of business. I feel like I was left trying to clean up his mess - as usual! If it's not me trying to fix things it was his mother bailing him out with money all the time. We have gotten to a place to where his mother is not as involved in our marriage, which has really helped, but we have so many more issues!! He lost his job last summer and decided to start a business with someone he worked with. I was aggravated that he was going to do this, because we were supposed to be working on our lives. I felt like we did not need to STRESS of him starting a company with all of the issues that we were trying to overcome. I am now feeling resentful of the business that he is trying to start. He is working a lot of hours and doing whatever the company needs. We have had several fights about this and I honestly don't know what to do. He admits that he has been working on the company more than his marriage. I am feeling resentful that he did not commit more to our marriage and his sobriety than he has. I feel like I have put up with a lot of crap from him over the years and I feel like I deserve to have a husband that would give me a year. I feel like he should have got a normal job and put the company on a goal list for the future. I feel like he is really selfish a lot of the time and I am tired of hearing that he is doing this for his family! I feel like this is a load of crap! Why not work on your family first, before trying to start a company that is demanding all of your time! If the tables were turned - he would not take it! I know that he needs to focus on himself during his recovery, but it does not mean that there are no compromises. What is a marriage if you do what you want to do all the time without regard to what your spouse thinks? He says he understands how I feel. He wants me to just get over it and move forward with everything. I have tried to push my feelings aside and help him out with his office work (I feel guilty). I can't let go of the resentment that I am feeling. Sure..lets move on now. Now that you started a company that I am supposed to trust you in that can hurt me as well as you financially. We still haven't got over the pain from the former company. You got what you wanted so lets just move on - who cares about what your wifeâs needs and wants are. Who cares about what was talked about when you wanted to come home. You got to come home and now you are starting your own company. Piss on your wife and what she thinks! Bad day! I hate feeling this way! Guilt, guilt, guilt! Maybe I am just a selfish âBâ? Sometimes I feel so screwed up from dealing with this for years. I know that we did not get this way over night and it will not be fixed overnight, but that doesnât make it any easier. I guess I need to focus on the positive and not the negative!
My husband has been an alcoholic since before I met him. Although I really didn't know it at the time. We have been together for 21 years and have three children. We have had plenty of ups and downs. I think that he has been sober now for 4 months and out of treatment for 9 months. He has had a couple of slips and the last one he was gone for five days. He was out getting drunk and when his friends were tired of him they called me to come and get him. I feel like when he needs me that I am there for the biggest part and when I need him it is only if it is convenient! He wanted to come back home after treatment and even though I was not 100% sure, he convinced me that things would change. Things have changed for the better in some areas, but I am still having trust issues with being responsible. I am still having days where I feel extremely guilty over things I say or don't do. I feel like everything is boiling over in me and I am having small explosions. I wanted to work on him being sober and our marriage for the first year when he came home. I wanted him to get a regular job and not focus on starting a company of his own (which he wanted to do) until we had a better foundation. We had a business years ago and a lot of things went wrong and I had trust issues because of it. The trust issues were mainly about responsibility and money. He had lost $8,000 dollars while out on a drunk and didn't take care of business. I feel like I was left trying to clean up his mess - as usual! If it's not me trying to fix things it was his mother bailing him out with money all the time. We have gotten to a place to where his mother is not as involved in our marriage, which has really helped, but we have so many more issues!! He lost his job last summer and decided to start a business with someone he worked with. I was aggravated that he was going to do this, because we were supposed to be working on our lives. I felt like we did not need to STRESS of him starting a company with all of the issues that we were trying to overcome. I am now feeling resentful of the business that he is trying to start. He is working a lot of hours and doing whatever the company needs. We have had several fights about this and I honestly don't know what to do. He admits that he has been working on the company more than his marriage. I am feeling resentful that he did not commit more to our marriage and his sobriety than he has. I feel like I have put up with a lot of crap from him over the years and I feel like I deserve to have a husband that would give me a year. I feel like he should have got a normal job and put the company on a goal list for the future. I feel like he is really selfish a lot of the time and I am tired of hearing that he is doing this for his family! I feel like this is a load of crap! Why not work on your family first, before trying to start a company that is demanding all of your time! If the tables were turned - he would not take it! I know that he needs to focus on himself during his recovery, but it does not mean that there are no compromises. What is a marriage if you do what you want to do all the time without regard to what your spouse thinks? He says he understands how I feel. He wants me to just get over it and move forward with everything. I have tried to push my feelings aside and help him out with his office work (I feel guilty). I can't let go of the resentment that I am feeling. Sure..lets move on now. Now that you started a company that I am supposed to trust you in that can hurt me as well as you financially. We still haven't got over the pain from the former company. You got what you wanted so lets just move on - who cares about what your wifeâs needs and wants are. Who cares about what was talked about when you wanted to come home. You got to come home and now you are starting your own company. Piss on your wife and what she thinks! Bad day! I hate feeling this way! Guilt, guilt, guilt! Maybe I am just a selfish âBâ? Sometimes I feel so screwed up from dealing with this for years. I know that we did not get this way over night and it will not be fixed overnight, but that doesnât make it any easier. I guess I need to focus on the positive and not the negative!
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