Welcome to the group. I've given up long ago having my AH sober for holidays. Yesterday he was drunk n passed out by 2pm woke up drank some more n passed out again. What a life huh!? I rang in the New Year in bed watching the Dick Clark count down texting a friend that also was alone!

Thanks. Wow! I’m relieved to know I’m not alone. You’re an awesome person. For awhile I was beginning to think i was somehow the reason but he actually admitted to falling apart when his mom died in 2001. It was all downhill from that point. In reality, it shows strength to deal with it for so many years. I’m to the point now where I’m doing all I can to better myself for a positive future. I try so hard not to let the kids see me weak. All the broken promises, pain, put downs etc, I just don’t have the energy to fight back anymore, I just keep busy and take one day at a time. After all this time, I don’t know any other way.

Your definitely not alone. I'm going on 31 yrs not all bad just continues to get worst. My AH is functional and a good provider. He never misses work however he goes straight to the liwuor store when getting off. Starts to drink early on weekends. It's really hard not to get caught up in blaming urself but u have to trust it's nothing u have done. Just like nothing u can do to stop him. I've recently started to detach I'm still working on That! I've told my AH that I'm only here now to raise our 2 teen granddaughters that we adopted last year. Our children are grown n on their own. Luckily they turned out good considering what he lived with. I was reluctant adopting but both their parents were drug addicts n I felt we could provide a better life. At times I wonder but I work really hard to keep them safe. I'm sorry ur dealing with this wish I had a solution. Some say divorce but for some of us that's not the answer or maybe not at the moment! I want out just got to figure out when n how. If all else fails the girls only have 4 n 6 yrs till out of school.. maybe then. Sending prayers

my AH just told me this morning that basically I make everything worse and I'm the reason he hates himself and wants to kill himself. But my being upset at his being drunk on New Years Eve and passing out 2 hours before 12 leaving me alone is my problem. So... they're selfish people. He said he was never going to talk to me again. At first I was upset. He didn't talk to me at all yesterday and only talked to me today because we have to coparent our daughter for better or worse, and then because he had started drinking this afternoon. He too had lost his license after a DUI and now has a breathalyzer in his car. It's made a big difference to the amount he drinks and he can no longer drink and drive. I thought for awhile that he was going to get better but he's gone back to the same drinking every day and lying to my face about it. But oh, I cannot forgive him so our relationship will not work out. Let's ignore the fact that I've taken his shit for four or five years, a lot of it - physical and emotional. He's kicked me out of the house, he's literally kicked me. And here I am, still here. Can't trust him because of all his lies but I haven't left. I'm pregnant for christ's sake. And I can't forgive him. He shouldn't have to put up with my accusations and anger. And I thought, you know what? He's going to turn around next week and have some bull shit to say about this working out. Last week he was losing his mind because he was afraid I was going to leave him. This week he doesn't want to talk to me because he "can't take it anymore" and just wants to move forward with his life. And I said, "so what, I'm supposed to just ignore the alcohol and you when you're drunk?" because that's the solution to us having a better life together, right? me just laying down and taking it? when i watch all these other couples live happy lives? he makes me feel like an obligation. and you know what? what really said to me, fuck this guy? he said i'm repulsive. he said my breath is bad in the morning and it's repulsive. this from the drunk. you will have your moment too. i thought i loved him. maybe what i am is just afraid to go it on my own. even a pile of shit is more comfortable than the unknown.

It is amazing to me how we have put up with this in our lives for so long and each for our own reasons yet they have the audacity to blame us for their behavior. Like yeah ok...we each stand there physically forcing them to pick up the bottle...not. And then afterwards we fight with ourselves too right? If anything we should be handed a Medal of Honor for better or worse, sickness and in health for all we’ve endured. I know it’s not easy yet somehow each day we dig deep and we pull through. When it comes to our children, it’s like mama bear comes out. I really appreciate you all and you have all certainly helped me the passed couple days just by me knowing you’re there and that I’m not alone. You see ladies we know we deserve better. Sadly for me this is all I know. I’ve been with this man since I was 16 yrs old and like most, the beginning was a happier time. My AH one day admits he has a problem and the next breath is in total denial. Like I just wanna scream at him...the damage is already done...He has already damaged his liver and the thought of me being a widow so young really bothers me and just quite frankly infuriates me. The saying is true...you can’t help the unwilling as we know it.

my AH doesn't like me bringing up his drinking. It doesn't matter how he acts if I say a thing i'm starting an argument. Yes he would love for me to just sit back and let him do his thing, He has never been one to talk to other woman but a few months ago started to talk to his ex wife from over 30 yrs ago, I should have kept quite to see how far it would go but as soon as she found out how his drinking has progressed she doesn't seem interested. She tells me everytime he messages her. I wish she would just take him back! Help a sista out.... LOL! But if i were to even talk to my ex he would accuse me of sleeping around. He's working nights this week due to freezing temps, kid u not he was drunk at 9 am yesterday morning so he could pass out and get some sleep. When I left home at 1 he had over 1/2 a pint of whiskey in his chair (he was asleep) he text me at 330 by the time he left for work at 530 I checked and the bottle was empty. I had tried to discuss an issue we were having with our well, that he spend 3 days working on it in between drinking and passing out and it's still leaking! just stated that he needed to work on it sober, he blew up at me saying I was looking for an argument I knew he was defensive and of course he was drinking just hours before leaving for work.
I received a text when he made it to work "I will work you sleep tight" go figure... thats the comment coming from a drunk.

Oh my word! LOL! My AH says the same things! He claims drinking before doing anything around the house helps keep him call and focused yep I said focused and he claims it helps him sleep because he too works third shift! Every time he goes to work on something I’m like “wouldn’t it be wiser to approach it sober” and you’d think I had 6 heads. Also amazes me how quick he is to jump the gun when he hears me talk about male coworkers or male classmates I have...he automatically becomes defensive and possessive like I’m doing something wrong. So to avoid the argument we simply don’t discuss work or the school subject. Miraculously now all of a sudden he will text me to ask if I make it to work or class ok and he demands on tucking me in if he’s home when I go to bed...I’m like “tuck me in, I’m not a 2 yr old.” LOL gotta be his guilty conscience kicking in...I just go with it for some humor on occasion to break up the tension sometimes.

yeah but u can only go with it for so long and it starts to irritate the crap out of you! Mine told me last night I could have my boyfriend over since he's working and with hesitating i said yes, i might just do that! LOL... unlike me, I'm usually overly trying to convince him that he's the only man.

I found some great you tube videos by a woman Michelle Lisa Anderson . I highly suggest watching. Helped me tremendously

Thanks! Will definitely check it out :)