oh sweetie i'm so sorry but honestly he did you a favor if he has a drinking problem you don't need him. Your not married, run and don't look back. It doesn't get any better only worst! Trust me i've been dealing with my AH for 30 yrs and i'm to the point that I wish he would give me something to jump on other than his drinking so he can't blame me for the failed marriage. Just ask your self if this is how you want your life to be.... not knowing if he will drink today or drink so much that you have to wonder if he's with another woman, then if you bring kids into this. If I had a warning sign or at least had someone tell me how this would play out, things would be so different for me today! Wish none of us had to deal with the decisions just pray and let God guide you through it!

I’m so so sorry that happened to you! But like dstrick said above^ run! Run and never look back! You love him yes I’m sure of it. But it is such a hard hard life living with an alcoholic. The uncertainty, the lack of trust, the lack of respect they have for you. It’s too too hard. Especially if you ever want to have kids. Because down the road if you have kids, leaving him will be even harder. I want to leave every time my husband drinks but I know if we divorced I’d be forced to let my kids go visit him and then I would have no clue who he had around my kids or if he was in his right mind or anything! So until my kids are old enough to take care of themselves, I’m sticking it out. Hang in there. I hope no matter if you stay or if you go, you are happy! Hopefully things will work out for you!

unfortunately, i agree with the ladies above, especially if he doesn't show any interest whatsoever in accepting that he has a problem and then doing the super hard work to get sober and stay that way. i've been with my AH for four and a half years. we get pregnant very quickly after we met and i didn't discover his problem until months into the pregnancy. it only got worse as our relationship progressed, and then when his father passed away it was hell. he had several suicide attempts this year and he has threatened us, been physical, abandoned us several times, disappeared, been arrested, got a dui, been to rehab for a month, been to a psych ward on a mandatory 72 hour hold... the year isn't even out. if i could turn back the clock i would have left him as soon as i found out he had a problem. we're expecting # 2 and i can't even be happy or excited about this, becasue even though we're supposed to be on the road to recovery he hasn't stopped drinking. if you can get out, do it now, and find someone who puts you before booze.

I wish I had realized my ex husband had a problem before we got married. I loved him and part of me always will. When things were good they were really good but the bad times clouded the good times eventually and I was miserable. After he didn't want to get help even when he would in rare moments admit he had a problem, I decided to love myself enough to end the marriage. It was such a hard decision and time after but I am happy again. I just wish I hadn't wasted my time on a miserable marriage. Consider what others have said. If he won't admit he has a problem and get help I am afraid you will be miserable in the marriage and he will pull you down. Love yourself and be strong to stand up for the great relationship you deserve.

I agree with the others. We’re dealing with this now many of us dor so many years. Leave and don’t look back! The bad will out weigh the good. At least you found out now before marriage. I didn’t realize until I was married with 2 kids this was a problem of his. I guess I was blind. I’m sorry you’re going through this! Time will heal your heart!

Walk away from this mess. Not only is he an alcoholic , he is also a cheater. I have endured 37 years of broken promises, manipulation, verbal and emotional abuse. And since alcoholism is a progressive disease, thing have only gotten worse and worse over time. Don’t end up like me... financially entangled and dependent on his $ to live a somewhat comfortable life. So I struggle to remain detached, especially during the good days. It’s a hard life, filled with tears.

First off, thank you all for your kind words. He has admitted he has a problem and that this was his rock bottom. He's been going to at least two meetings a day and doing counseling at the church. I still haven't made my decision on what I'll be doing. For now he is giving me time and space to think. We already have a family and the only thing missing from it being a marriage is a piece of paper. Everything is joint. I'm seeking counselling for myself as well to help me figure out if I'm willing to believe this was his rock bottom. I'm taking a couple days to go stay at my sister's cabin and try and clear my head. That's all I really can do for now. That and pray...a lot of prayer.

stay strong and don't give in to him! It takes alot to over come the addiction and if he thinks he can play you he will. Good luck! praying you find your answers.

LEAVE. Now. I'll have no sympathy for you if you're two or three yrs from now you're back on this post kickind yourself in the ASS cuz you didn't listen to us. I WANT TO BE YOU.. RUN don't walk. Being on this post before you're even married is your good sense and great instincts trying to tell you not to do something stupid. Please listen to us. There are lots of decent guys out there.

I understand how hard pf decision that is. I could say leave but thats a lot easier said than done when you invested so much into a person especially if there are children involved. If he's involving other woman in the relationship though thats another layer of problems now you'll have to deal with. I know you said he recieves counseling and goes to support meetings with AA but is he in any rehab program? Thats important. They specialize in addictions recovery. Alcoholism is a disease and just like sny other diseases we get treated for them. So he needs to seek treatment in order for it to work. Its rare for a alcoholic to sucessfully recover without rehab. If you have decided to stay in the relationship I would personally advise you wait to get married that way if you want to walk away you can do so easier than if you were married. Just know alcoholism is a LIFETIME journey this is something you will be dealing with forever. After recovery it can get hard again and the eventually get better but its just like cancer you can give a patien chemo and the cancer is gone for 15 years then all of sudden its back and yoir dealing with cancer again. So just think to yourself if you're willing to deal with this. I wish you the best of luck!

Dang Alex. You're way nicer than me! I'm obviously way more jaded than you. Big time. :) Agree about the kid thing though. I stuck around because of my kid. No regrets on that. Just kept my eye on the prize. I do have to say that I respectfully disagree with ya on the rehab thing Alex. Check this out...my husband went to his first AA meeting after his second DUI and told them that "he's not really an alcoholic. He just likes to party". Can you imagine the look on those people's faces? He told me that when I picked him up after. What an idiot! I'm glad I didn't sit in there with him. I would have been embarrassed as sh*t. That's the other thing Sleepless. DUI's are expensive and dangerous. I like your point about cancer Alex. Great analogy, but I have to stick with my own advice for Sleepless though. RUN don't walk sister!!

Amen Ginny!