Well, my husband and I FINALLY had a long talk this afternoon...and decided that this absolutely will not work between us. And while I cried throughout it all, and have still cried here and there since then, I'm ok with it deep down. I really am.

While it annoys the crap out of me that I feel like I'm the one who endured the insanity, drunken tantrums, the neglect, and everything else that comes with being married to an alcoholic only for another woman to get to eventually appreciate the man that I longed for and fought for...I feel better knowing that he is in a better place right now. He is sober...and I couldn't ask for more.

We agreed that things just won't work right now. The kids will not accept him or forgive him right now, and I can't say that I blame them. He isn't interested in the effort involved in working through them with everything, which I also guess I can't fault him for. He is busy working on himself.

Now to work on myself. He told me this afternoon that he has self-confidence back, that he knows that he is a good man like I always told him he was (no matter how drunk he was), that he feels much more stable and happy. I told him that's great...but that I had to lose all of that of my own in this process. He took it all away from me. AND, I must say...that is the only resentment that I truly currently hold against him. He may have gained his...but I have lost my self-confidence. I feel worthless right now.

With all of that said...I am smart enough and in a good enough mind set to realize that it's all temporary. A few years from now, I won't be crying...Lord knows where I'll be...but it won't be here :)