I've had to force myself to think through his end-of-life days. How will I handle it? How will I help my kids deal with it? This is something that would be really good to talk about with a counselor. Do you have a pastor you could confide in about these fears? You shouldn't have to walk alone in this fear. All of living with an alcoholic is horrible, but the end-of-life stuff is especially difficult to think about. Talking about my fears really helps me. Sending you big hugs.

I have the same fears. My husband takes pain medication due to several back surgeries and then drinks. He usually passes out on the couch at night and never makes it to the bed... I am always coming down in the middle of the night to see if he is still breathing.
Sadly, I am training myself to just go back to sleep instead of checking on him.

Sometimes I wish my AH would be able to read this. But he still wouldn't relate it to himself. Do any of you have life insurance on your husbands? I am thinking that is the next step to take.

Please if he's still healthy enough get insurance. I have it. I pray never to need it but still feel safer this way. A few weeks ago, had scare of my life. He was drunk (shocking I know!) and a 'friend' offered him a pill he thought was Vicodin. Turns out it was fentinil and he almost died. Paramedics had to revive him. You'd think that would teach him but no.

My sister died of alcoholism. It was not a good way to die. She had end-stage liver disease -- cirrhosis. She was in the ER and ICU multiple times, mainly for bleeding that would not stop. She ended up with a MRSA infection, Graves disease, and Bells palsy. She was a mess for several years -- often paranoid and with some dementia from the lack of liver function. She ended up with internal bleeding and all her organs shutting down.

It can take a while for an alcoholic to drink him or herself to death. But eventually it will happen. Not trying to be the pessimist here, but alcoholics are poisoning themselves and eventually it catches up with them.

My husband just has a small life insurance policy through his work. He had Hep C years ago, and that has disqualified him from life insurance a couple of times.

When things with him, are good we are good. But when he gets into one of his moods he kills a bit more of my good feeling towards him. Eventually there won't be any good feelings left, he will just become the person who is in my life. I am caring less and less, eventually I think won't care at all. This only makes me sad. Counselling helps.

My husband so so freaking stoned/ drunk/ whAtever that I am checking every hour or so to see if he is breathing. If I am completely honest with myself ..... I'm surprisingly calm. I care, but not excessively.
His loss.