Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

0 Online

Happymess6 09/12/2018

Hello. First time here. So let me get to the question before i lose nerve and leave. Many many years ago we joined a church. This church, regular church, nothing weird or fancy, promised us that God would take care of my husbands alcohol problem. "Let go and let God" " leave all your worries at his feet"...So we joined said church. He was okay for 2 years. We had been together for about 7 years at that time. I had seen his drinking and thought " he will get over it". We all know what is coming next right. So here we are at church and like i said 2 years he was sober. I did'nt really agree with some of the things said, but since i was desperate for help and had no support, i figured why the heck not. We got married, had a daughter, it was great! Then the downfall. People kept saying "it will be better, just pray."So i prayed. I prayed, and i prayed. I kept praying and guess what?! It got worse...no duh huh. So after many years of praying and people telling me "well, your not doing it right" or simply getting dirty looks from the so called righteous, i gave up. A month ago was our 24 anniversary...but while he celebrated, i stayed home. I mean, i am okay with what i now think and feel. I used to feel worse when i "left it to God". As to my kids, i discuss faith and religion and will leave it up to them, but i cannot push it. So much abuse and many things i know you all have passed through. Has anyone else felt this way? If so what is your experience?

sevier 09/12/2018

I read your question and have thought a lot about it today. I am a believer and I have seen many believers struggle with this and succeed and fail and succeed and fail over and over. My view on it is that we have our free agency and prayer alone does not take things like this away. We actually had a class on Sunday where the teacher was talking about his own personal struggle with depression and that he used to pray that it would just go away but his mom told him that most likely God would not answer him by just taking it away but by helping him through it and showing him how to treat it. That is how I view this problem as well. I have prayed for years that my husband will stop drinking but I know that he has to want to and he has to let God help him because ultimately he has his free agency and he makes his choices. I do believe that prayer can help you get through things and give you the strength to fight things but I don’t think prayer will just take it away and take away the cravings. I also feel that prayer helps me deal with my husband‘s problems and keeps me centered and grounded. The saying that people like to say that God will not give us more than we can handle is absolutely false and nowhere in the Bible. I think this definitely falls under the category of more than you can handle sometimes. For me praying and my faith helps me get through day today but certainly does not mean that we won’t face challenges and problems in this life, Hopefully we will just have a little help in dealing with those challenges and problems. That’s my take on it anyway

Happymess6 09/12/2018

Sevier.....Heaven knows we need all the love and support we can find! I am glad i found this site, i have been reading and for a long time felt like no one REALLY understood what was going on, what goes on in a house with a alcoholic. In reading everyones stories, at first i was like, " oh my goodness, it happened to them too, i am not the only one going through this" to a feeling of strength and just knowing that there are others who wish to support others and just listen, just plain listen, is a big rush of emotions. I am rambling....again, emotions!

DSTRICK 09/12/2018

I agree with sevier without prayer I would probably be right where my AH is. I dedicate my morning drive to work to talking to God some days I just ramble on as I try to understand why this addiction has taken over the way it has. I’ve been in my marriage for 31 yrs and I still have no clue but I’m able to focus more on me and not on what he’s doing next. I’m here till the end to take care of him but I’m living my life for the first time in 30 yrs. and will not allow regrets to bring me down. I wish I would of had a place like this to go to in my earlier years to have the comfort of knowing that I’m not alone... people who have never lived in this type of life doesn’t understand what we actually give up and put up with. The longer the harder the worst things get. Yes I believe God can work miracles but until they ask for themselves and have the faith needed it will never change. But us as the protectors we will continue to pray and believe in a miracle before it’s to late! Hugs and prayers for you and yours

Join the Conversation