Hope everyone had a blessed Easter Sunday! I had a great weekend, decided not to let my AH bring me down. My Church had a special service this past week thursday - Sunday and I made it every night. Even with his accusations that church doesn't happen on those nights so I must be visiting my boyfriend. (You know since that has to be the reason why I don't want him....) I visited his mom for hours saturday bless this woman who is turning 95 in a couple of months, we had a very long discussion and its so sad that all this woman wants is to see her son sober before she leaves this world but he uses that saying he's keeping his mom alive! She told me that she's come to terms with that she may live longer than him with the way he's drinking and not taking his health issues serious. Last week he has another episode where his BP dropped went to see the doctor and he actually told him that he was concerned more with his kidneys right now than his liver. Sent for more labs and suppose to be referred to kidney specialist. Its been a week and he hasn't even been for labs nor called to schedule appointment. In an argument the other night said he was done with doctors.... I'm so ready for a change in my life but i'm so affraid that i've waited to late. I know this is his battle but how do you leave when they have health issues that will be hitting like a rock soon. I know its coming his body can only take so much. I've watched 2 people very dear to me die a horrible death, and all I read about organ failure scares the mess out of me. If he's gonna kill himself I honestly pray that for my kids and grandkids and mother in law that it happen fast and that they don't have to see him suffer. He choose alcohol not us! His mom has made albums for all her children with pictures and memories from their lives, as I looked at his I wondered how alcohol has taken him from us, how did it get to this point? The man in those pictures has already left us. I miss that man and I despise the man thats taken his place. How do I get over these feelings that I have toward him? I always said when we were yonger that if we ever seperated that I would always love him and I would always want to be his friend. I don't think thats possible anymore, if I leave he will hate me and thats probably the worst thing that I could imagine.