Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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madlady4321 02/20/2016

hello. I joined this group because I have no one else. I am married to an alcoholic. I have been married for 6 years and I have two boys from a previous marriage. It was all sunshine and roses but as time went by, dark clouds formed in my life. He works hard and doesn't drink on the job. I also work. He gets three days off and that's when my nightmares begin. He makes me feel like crap and like to poke me really hard in my ribs. when I cry he calls me horrible names. He suffers blackouts and has no regard for other people. His own family knows that he drinks and does nothing. When I try to talk to him he starts yelling at me and tells me how stupid I am. Now he smokes pot and says that if I ever left he would hunt me down. My oldest is 20 and my youngest is 17. Neither of them want to leave because they are afraid something will happen to me is they do. I smoke cigarettes because I am so stressed all the time, and now that is something else he blames his drinking on. I cant take anymore and I am totally lost and am drowning in myself. I hold it all in because it just makes it worse if I talk to anyone because they tell him what I said.

bonblue 02/20/2016

Prayers and hugs . He has no right to threaten you.. you may need to seek
Help to leave..to protect yourself.

yw249 02/20/2016

Prayers to you and your children. I have a son in his twenties who doesn't want to move out because he doesn't want to have to worry about me and his younger brother. I've never been threatened by him about leaving. I actually believe he wants me too. He'd rather have a woman who drinks with him. But I do know what it's like to be constantly criticized and made to feel that nothing you do is right or good enough. I had to seek help from a doctor after an anxiety attack (thought it was a heart attack) occurred. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and have to take daily meds.. I have other health problems too and I'm not getting any younger. But this is what I'm doing....: Make a plan to get out. Put money aside in a place he won't know about. Rent a storage space if you can and slowly begin to take your personal items out of the house. A little at a time, so he won't notice. It's empowering to feel I'm taking actual steps toward freedom. I'm scared of living without his paycheck, but peace of mind is priceless. Like you, I feel like I'm drowning. But having a plan in action feels like a life raft to me. Pray for strength.

madlady4321 02/20/2016

Thank you to you all! I appreciate the kind words. He and i work at the same place so our boss gives him both paychecks. I get an "allowance" every week so it is hard to put money away. He has his tattlers everywhere that let him know everything.

yw249 02/20/2016

An AH always seems to have all the bases covered don't they? Keep your eyes and ears open. A solution is bound to present itself to you. If I get out of this, I will never marry again.

snowbodyinparticular 02/23/2016

Amen to the "I will never marry again"!

I like to pretend that all of us super strong women are in these relationships because the world would not be able to handle us if we were free.

bonblue 02/23/2016

I too have been very controlled by my ah he made the most money and retirement accountswhich anytime
He run lows of money it all good for him to draw it out. If I suggest it Lord have Macy no.
So now there is very little in our account..and he just can not figure where it went.
I have made a small break I know have a car and home in my name only. I felt so free
I was so free. Then after his last surgery he is back with me ...same Ile same ole.
But if push comes to shove he will have to go. At least that's what I tell my yself.
. :-&....I still have a ways to go.to be free
Lots of hugs and prayers for us all in this crazy life boat.

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