Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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DOWN!

DSTRICK
DSTRICK

Feeling a little down today, it's hard to explain to people how you feel the loneliness of not having someone to talk to. Yes I have a husband but when he's drunk 99% of the time that your together you feel so alone. I have grown children, my daughter is basically my best friend and my niece comes in 2nd. I try not to tell them everything i'm feeling inside. Alot they know by just looking in my face. For 30 years I have made up excuses to everyone including myself. Wishful thinking that I could change or fix him. Now I feel like i'm in a life of lonely! I've taken on so much to relieve the pain raising others children just so I wouldn't be alone. But their comes a time that you just can't take on anymore. 


I went to church yesterday and they preached on leadership, I don't want to always have the pressures of leading my family. But I do it because it's all up to me. Hearing my grown son speak of his dad is depressing, as he has nothing good to say about him. The stories he shares to others in front of me it's so embrassing knowing that our secrets are out! What do we ask of our children? Don't tell anyone your that your father has a drinking problem.... Don't tell anyone that your father talked to your mom the ways he does.... Or that he drinks till he passes out and on occasions if he wakes up early he starts again.... All I want is to have a normal life! A normal adult conversation that isn't forgotten within 5 mins. I don't like the feelings that I have towards him, I love this man and would never wish harm apon. I feel sometimes like a cold hearted person when he's drunk and I can't tolerate his stupid behavior. If we could turn it all around so they can see what we see, would they do different? Why does an alcoholic have to be so sweet when sober and such as ass when drunk??? 


ljm63
ljm63
DSTRICK, I certainly can relate to what you are saying/feeling. My oldest daughter is my absolute best friend. However, you can only share so much with your children. I have three adult children and they all are completely aware of their dad's drinking problem. They don't like to be around him when he's intoxicated because of his stupid behavior.

I, too, sometimes feel embarrassed by how we all feel and the things we say when we talk about him. But every single thing that gets said is the honest truth and it's because of his behavior that makes us say/feel the things we do. So when I remind myself of this, then I don't feel quite so bad. It's truly a shame, though, to see what has happened to our family; all because of his drinking.

I wish there was an easy way out but the reality is, there's nothing easy about having an AH at all.
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
Ljm63, ur so right! It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Our 30th Anniversary is in 2 weeks. We always said we would do something big to celebrate, as it gets closer the fear that I have spending 4 nights 7 hrs away from home just me n him.... This should be happy times, us enjoying each other not me dreading it. But I know he's going to be drunk and ready to pass out by 6-7pm. For once why can't I have fun? If possible I would leave him home and take my daughter I'm sure I would enjoy it more...
ljm63
ljm63
We just had our 36th anniversary. It was nothing spectacular but a far cry better than last year. He wanted our 35th to be special. Seemed like a nice plan at the time. I, too, feel like at this point in our relationship we should look forward to spending lots of time, just the two of us. But I would rather be around just about anyone else than him. Even if an occasion starts off nice, the alcohol will quickly ruin things. He's proved that over and over. Anyway, last year we took a super nice trip but on our actual anniversary he was so drunk by noon and ended up passing out for the rest of the day. Leaving me by myself.

I've really never thought I could/would leave him but I'm starting to re-think that. I'm so tired of the drunken behavior and all the embarrassment that goes along with it. This past weekend was almost more than I could handle. Honestly, if it weren't for my daughter and grandson living with me, I would have left him a long time ago. I just can't bring myself to leave them behind and I can't ask her to give up her job to move away with me. It's just such a tough situation to be in.
DSTRICK
DSTRICK
Congratulations on 36 yrs. I didn't think I would ever make it to 30 and can't amagine 6 more yrs of this. One thing over the past fee months I have distant myself and go days without talking to him, never have I done this I've always been the one that couldn't stay mad. I think he sees my withdraw and has actually started to do a little more around the house or at least offers but still the drinking continues and he knows that's the main reason for this. It's such a lonely life even with kids n grand kids. I dream of normal and often wonder if it even exist!
chelsea05
chelsea05
my grown daughter and I are extremely close as well. She recently had a huge blowout with her father over his drinking. that would be 32 years of repressed rage that came out all at once. He doesn't see what she's mad about, so heartbreaking to me. I told him he needs to apologize for all the years of being drunk and try to understand her rage. As I sit here typing this I am so angry with myself for not leaving him and sparing her all of this. As hard as it would have been to leave, I wish I would have done it. I look at her and realize she didn't deserve any of this, I feel so much guilt for ruining her life. I'm now in a position where I may have the opportunity to live with my daughter/husband/grandchild and I am positive I'm going to do it. I have lived too many years in total unhappiness, nothing is going to change with him. I have come to the realization I want to be happy and that isn't living with an alcoholic.