Yesterday was the last straw. Apparently my threat from 2 weeks ago that the next binge was his last with his family didn't make that much of an impact. He was white-knuckling it, going to AA at least once a day, staying busy, staying sober. He was invited to come with us on a trip this weekend--his first excuse was "naw, your aunt will know something's not right with us, it'll be weird", to which I responded "anyone on the outside not knowing our situation would never suspect anything, it's all your warped perception." So he said yeah you're right, but then said he was going to stay home anyway because he needed to learn to be by himself (I guess not "babysat"). I'm done being his mother so I shrugged and said whatever. I swear his scheming must have started the minute he realized he had the opportunity. He outlined an elaborate support system he was putting in place and a schedule of his activities, and asked for a "honeydo" list. He sent me lots of texts telling me what he was doing, questions about the cleaning solution for the shower, none of it was mis-spelled or weirdly rambling like it usually is when he's drunk, so I assumed all was well. It did get a little weird toward the evening; he said his AA buddies were spending the night but they were sleeping in the back yard because they didn't feel it was right to sleep in "my" house. Then an accounting of how one buddy had comedy central on his sirius radio and they were laughing and playing cards and he was whipping their butts, then "I woke up sober, went to bed the same." (Apparently he forgot the middle part, which I found out about later).

Sunday morning he wrote "I didn't do anything stupid. I made it!!" (sober). Then at 12:30 he sent me a picture of an ice cream cake that our neighbor bought for our son (just got his first job), and right behind it was a beer can. When I asked about it he texted back "not me". Lots of other drama in the middle, but when we got home he's sitting on the neighbor's porch with a beer in his hand, didn't even get up to greet us because he knew he was busted. I got everyone's stuff into the house from the car and took off. My 15yo (who is a "fixer" and always jumps in when this happens) called AH's brother (also a recovering alcoholic, 6 years) and while I was gone he took AH to the hospital to detox. Then my neighbor (which whom he was drinking and who herself has a massive drinking problem) called to see how I was. I really didn't want to talk to her about it but she won't shut up and ended up telling me about what he did Saturday. She said he was pretty drunk, made them food, was talking nonsense to her niece, and hung out with them for about 3 hours Saturday night. All of his Saturday texts were bullshit. Should I be surprised? Guess I'm not, but they were so convincing that this is why I feel he had schemed it from the second he talked his way into having the weekend to himself. I still couldn't figure out where he got the money for all the food he bought--you can't get out of Costco for less than $100! Then my SIL (wife of recovering alcoholic brother) told me he'd been over to his mom's house on Saturday. She probably took him shopping then slipped him some money like she always does, yet SIL said MIL is so mad at him for all of his lying, so I don't know what's going on. He's become such a proficient liar that I'm starting to question our whole 18 years together. He revealed a lot of his lies after he got out of rehab and went to therapy, but I'm sure those were only the big lies. Lots of day-to-day lies I'm probably not aware of.

I got a call from the hospital this morning. The nurse said he wanted me to know he was okay and she asked if I felt he would be safe if he was discharged, as he wasn't suicidal anymore. I said it's a drunk thing and he's not my problem anymore. He can do whatever he wants but he's not coming home. His other brother (not a drunk, but his wife is!) apparently picked him up and is coming over soon to get AH's wallet and phone. Don't know if he's letting AH stay with him, frankly don't care. My kids are crushed but not surprised and are generally supportive. They were told of my ultimatum to him. We have 4 ranging from 11 to 18. Being a little older doesn't make it any easier for them to go through, but at least they understand a little better. My oldest ran off last night after seeing his dad, he was so upset. When he finally came home he said he was worried that he didn't feel anything, not even anger toward his dad. I told him it's called detaching, or self-preservation, and it's a perfectly acceptable coping mechanism. He seemed to feel a little better about it. He has Asperger's so I always wonder how he's processing stuff like this.

Today begins the start of a new adventure! Even though it's going to be rough initially, I already feel like I can breathe again.