Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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bluesprite72 09/15/2016

So, my AH and I were in the process of working out our seperation. At first, they were horrible and he was only thinking of himself and not the boys and I. Then, we were starting to work out how I would be able to stay with the boys in the house and he would leave some day and pay alimony and child support. We talked about going to an attorney together, to work out the details so that everything would be legal and be able to be held up in court if needed.

We haven't gone to an attorney yet and my youngest is having issues with school and anxiety. So, we have put things on hold, while I have been trying to work on getting the help my son needs.

So, our mortgage was a few months behind and he told me he paid up on it like a week or two ago. But, we have since gotten mail that says otherwise. WTF!

Here we are, me dealing with the stress of my sons' issues, house not being paid for, and things feel like they are back to normal, like we aren't in need of seperating. He still stays out after work and comes home at 6:30 every night, is already or gets drunk while I just keep on taking care of the boys. To add to that, our dryer broke about a week ago and I have to go to the laundry mat to dry our clothes.

It is almost worse now that things are out that we are getting a divorce. He is still acting the same, but trying to blame me for our failed marriage, belittles me whenever he can, and now the house things. Wonderful. I'm thinking that if he lets our mortgage go too long, I will need to reach out to his mom or dad (they are divorced) to get help with it.

This last weekend, he and I got into a fight about what should be done about our son and his schooling, and later came out that we can't agree on anything anymore and we just end up fighting about things and he was going to leave. At first, I was mad that he wanted to leave right when we are struggling with our son. But now, I don't how much longer I can stand his presence with the current situation. I feel like he just got comfortable again and is just going to stick around as long as possible. Ugggh

Kellie 09/16/2016

Bluesprite72, I feel so bad you are dealing with all of this at once. But , you have to worry about what is best for you and your boys ! When they are older and look back at their childhood , regardless of how much of a douche your AH was they will always remember you being there for them! Try looking at it this way... If you were a single mom (in reality you are) what would you do? How would you help your son? Eff what he thinks! Clearly he is in no condition to be making life decisions for anyone , especially a child ! Make what ever decision you feel is best for your son and if he doesn't like it tuff sh*t someone has to be the rational adult and unfortunately .. It will never be him ! Keep strong for your boys and you are in my thoughts . Hugs

bluesprite72 09/16/2016

Thank you for your kind words. I feel like the hardest part of this, is that we aren't moving forward yet with him getting out. I know it will be hard on the boys at first, especially my younger one going through everything, but it would just be easier to move forward with our lives. The waiting part is hard.

Annie488 09/20/2016

Keep moving forward. Really, you will see it was best! GL <3

IamDonetoday 09/26/2016

You have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I can so relate. I had 3 boys, all with learning disabilities, one ended up with addiction issues, I do 99% of the cooking, cleaning, bill paying and he just causes sh#t. Complains, is opinionated, but has no solutions only blame. Tried to say the treatment centre was brainwashing our kid, not only didn't support me but went out of his way to undermine me. None of us can stand him. He's mean, rude, and a narcissist. Probably the most childish idiot I have ever known. I can relate in terms of how you carry the load. Stay strong, because that's who you are. Find support in good friends and this site. Many of us are walking your walk. My kids are older and they know who was there for them. I have never bad mouthed their father, they came to their own opinion. Yes your kids may react to the separation, but they will be ok and get thru it. There's lots of help out there. Hugs and prayers.

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