Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I feel some relief in knowing there are other women who share the same challenges of living with AH. We have been married 13 yrs and have 3 children together. We met young and married young and I knew then he drank alot but when you're young and in love you over see alot of things. I should of seen the major red flags when he arrived at church on our wedding day stinking of major booze. I have somehow managed to survive 13 years of this but recently it is becoming too much to handle and I have nobody to turn to. I don't want to let family know things are so bad in fear of confrontation with my family saying something to him and making things worse. I try to mention small hints to his family but they don't see it and make excuses for the behavior so I feel so lost. I hate being treated so poorly, especially on weekends. He is a high functioning AH and chooses to drink extremely heavy on weekends which then puts my anxiety through the roof with the knowing of another terrible weekend of arguing, lies, and crying and lots of praying. I try and hold it together for my kids not to see me upset so I usually stay in the bathroom to cry and pray. I can go on and on of my story of living with an AH but I won't. I just think we deserve to be treated better.And is it to much to ask of just wanting to have a happy life with a sober husband enjoying life with our children like other families I often envy. He is missing out on so much of his beautiful family by ignoring us and not being "mentally" here. He works hard in the week and provides for us, I just ask he stops drinking because of the many problems it causes. Totally draining beyond words.
I'm so sorry for you and for all of us to need this sort of support group. But also so relieved to have found it myself.
I think we've been told over and over that we're the ones who are wrong on the drinking issue. To come here, and find other women living the exact same bad dream, we realize that it isn't us that's "wrong". There's strength in the truth, even if we feel we can't do much about it, yet.
I can't really talk with my AH's family, as they're still in denial. His father is aging, and sees only the little boy AH once was, how sweet he was, etc. No one could possibly understand that he is not at all sweet to me. And my own family thinks it's only the drinking, and doesn't realize how hard it is to live with an alcoholic, the lies, deception, stealing, put our financial life in jeopardy, putting our kids' lives in jeopardy by driving them drunk, the embarrassment when the AH shows up at church functions drunk and rude, not having any sort of social life at home, because I can no longer count on AH to be sober and not insult our guests or tell really rude jokes. No one in either his family or mine understands. Having this place is such a relief. Women who understand.
I'm working up the courage to get counseling for myself. I'm worried about how to pay for it, but am coming to the point that I don't care if AH will be angry or passive-aggressive and try to "punish" me in some way for spending the money on counseling. Marmar, have you sought counseling for yourself? Or gone to al-anon?
We're all just going through this life, trying to make it from one day to the next. There has to be a better life for us. I don't think God intended for us to suffer for so long, and to put our kids' futures at such risk. I worry that my kids will do as I've done, and marry someone who can't be a good partner. I've got to change that for them. Have you found ways to help your own kids deal with having an A for a father?
Sending hugs and saying a prayer for. Take good care of yourself today.
Sending a hug and a prayer. At least we've found a safe place to vent.