Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I've never posted anything but I've read so many of the posts. Tonight after days of my husbands bing drinking, I called the police because of the physical abuse. A friend suggested I read the Wheel of Power and Control, and I suggest everyone read it. My husband had been drinking for days, Sunday night he hit me in the eye, Monday night he tipped a chair I was sitting on and I hit my head. Tonight, on my way home the bus drove past my stop, I called my in-laws for a ride. My husband when he drinks has a curve. He is so endearing when he first starts drinking, and as the hours pass and the alcohol sits in his body, he becomes mean. He has broken our desk top, all of our lamps, our vacuum cleaner, I can't count how many dishes and glasses. When he sobers up he feels guilty for a moment, then its all my fault. Its my fault that he got mad, its my fault that he drank, its my fault that the things he broke are broken. Tonight when I got home he was so mad that I called my in-laws to get home, that as soon as I walked into the house he attacked me, he grabbed my hair, and pushed me, he kept using my hair as tool to hit my head against the wall. He tore my blouse ripped my jewelry off of me, and grabbed my hair and dragged me all over the house. I was always afraid to call the police, but tonight I couldn't take it anymore. I was afraid for my life. Alcohol did this. He was so drunk. I had no idea what he was going to do to me. So I took the first step and called the police. I love him very much, and I'm really sad right now. Because I know that alcohol and his disease has ended our relationship. It hurts physically and in my heart. When he's sober, he's perfect. But I have no idea who he is when he drinks. Its like two different personalities. I want my sober husband, I want to grow old with him, but I know that it can't happen, his disease has gotten him and its won. If your husband drinks and he gets angry and shows any signs of violence, don't hesitate, stop before it gets too far and someone gets hurt.
Sending you many hugs!
Ginny
ps. we all understand how you feel about the sober husband that you love but that the drunk husband is someone we don't recognize nor want to be with. It is the worst part for many of us I think. But it is the hurdle we must jump and leave behind.
You can help him from afar but you do not deserve to be mistreated
. I too care for a alcholic husband we can love them all the time while
Careing for ourselves too.
This is acceptible and normal for him and only bad can come from that
Lots of prayers and hugs
Holidays are going to be hard, try to do something to keep yourself busy. Last year was my first Thanksgiving away from my husband, I was upset - kept reliving the good times. But I promise you, those good times were so long ago and they don't make up for the bad times. One bad incident overthrows all the good ones. What we pine for is a normal relationship, abuse is not normal - physical, emotional, or verbal abuse is unacceptable.
I wish you peace on your Thanksgiving, know that you have friends here who understand. Hugs. Ginny
Not from you.
We all have a image in our heart and mind as to what a marriage
Should be and what you have gone thru is not what love and marriage
Is about. We blame ourselves for our marriage failing due to rhe
Self esteem we developed over time trying to deal with the AH/mate
. We are the caregivers always trying to make things right.
Most of us come from a very dysfunctional family.
Which we bring all the guilt and blame from our earlier life as a child to
Our adult life. Then that more guilt. Guess what our AH don't carry
Any of this because we try to protect him by sacrificing ourselves.
When we do get to where we can not take anymore. They are the
1st to say well if you wouldn't have or if you would have I wouldn't do, ,
Not true they would anyway that is how they have power over us.
Because we choose to accept it.
My prayers and hugs go out to all of us who needs to Take Care Of Me.
With out feeling the guilt that I too deserve better.
You said when he's sober he feels guilty for a moment but then blames you for all he has broken during his drunken spell...doesn't sound like when he's sober he is all that great either. That may not be a physical punch but it is emotional abuse and neither are acceptable. You are WORTH MORE than this, you are!!
Kudos for you to do the very hard thing and call the police and protect yourself.
I remember when I was a kid my alcoholic and drug addict uncle would come in from work, grab my aunt by her hair and drag her to their bedroom and we might not see her again until the morning. He also physically and often sexually abused my cousin. This man was an animal when he drank. It is NEVER an excuse to abuse someone because you are drunk or high -- NEVER.
Please continue to protect yourself; if at all possible, do NOT go back to that situation. Please call an abuse hotline in your area and talk with someone who understands what you are going through as an abused wife so that you can continue to grow in strength because your life depends on it. The beautiful thing about those abuse hotlines is that anonymity is sacred.
Big hugs to you...you did so good, please keep it up and protect yourself and be gently on yourself!
Happy Thanksgiving :)
Im glad you recognized it immediately and left again. I pray for your strength in your resolve to not go back. Stay safe!
Hugs and I hope you enjoy your peace.